So Un-thoughtful...

This lady knows I'm in a hard way to release it. But why should she ask me to choose who's best for "her?" It wasn't about you could accept the situation or not, but... as a friend... please, you know what I'm fighting for right now, do you?? So, don't let me know!! Both of you cud do that behind me, right?? I think I'd be happy though... It was like "scratching the wound again."
*Oh, goshhh... maybe I was too exaggerating it.

Titik Balik

Sepertinya gue sedang jenuh2nya sama pekerjaan. Gairah hilang, gue yakin kualitas kerja gue di kantor menurun. Gue merasakan kok, tampak ga ada beban dan kekuatiran dengan nasib2 pekerjaan gue. Sangat berbeda di tahun pertama gue di kantor.

Moreover, sepertinya ada beberapa lowongan menarik di tempat lain. Jobsdb dan Monster gak henti2nya ngasih info. huahahaha.... mungkin sudah saatnya untuk melihat sekeliling. Saya mau perubahan. Namun, bukan seperti ini cara mengakhirinya. Sangat tidak profesional.

Menurut gue, ini bagian yang paling sulit tampaknya, menemukan titik balik. Saat ini adalah saat di mana lu jatuh dari gunung dan mesti mulai mendaki lagi. Niat dan gairah itu yang sedang gue kumpulin lagi... Semoga tidak makan waktu lama.

Again... Learn to Let Go... (dedicated to a friend)

Well... I quoted it from my friend. At the same time, we are in similar situation. I'm trying to... yeah.. u know lah... And she's trying to "kill" it, too. Of course, we're in different story, only similar situation.

I remembered, the first time I broke with my girlfriend in high school. These words came out: "Something will be very priceless, if you have lost it..." Yeah... it's damn true. Now, I feel it so even though the situation is different this time.

Yeah, babe... VANISH.... that's what I want right now. Sigh... sounds so childish, not a gentleman typical. Well, I tried, though. However, the harder I try, the stronger the feeling is. I think I am sick.

Anyway, I know I can't just runaway and hide. I have to face this. Hard maybe, but I will always smile in front of you guys, mom, dad, bro, sis, mates... I admit.. this is hard, takes time and efforts.

We'll see then... Ok, mate... we'll make it. Let's continue to learn... learn to let go.

Haha... Masih susah...

well... gatau berapa lama nih.
hehehe... it's not that easy, beb...
at least I got 10-20% now.
i'm trying to be more "opened" now...
and raising my self-confidence.
not easy... but have to be ready.

Segitu lelahnya....

Ga gue sangka... segitu melelahkan...
Ayo terus... sepertinya sudah benar (semoga)...

May be not now...

Well.. at least I tried. And... it was a NO. But, truly... was a relieving NO. Better like this. I don't have anything burdening my head and shoulders now. I can even widely smile...

She's more than nice to take this beautifully. I cannot force it of course. I accepted it very well and manly. I don't have anything to be worried now. We decide to hold our hands together as good friend. Not more... and it is understandable.

Thanks to "you"... May God always be with you... and our friendship.

Waktunya "bersyukur"

Entah kenapa selalu merasa kekurangan. Yah... wajar deh, manusia.
Tapi untuk kali ini, gue dalam kondisi dimana gue tau kalo hidup gue ada yang pegang.
Ketenangan hati yang menurut gue cukup membantu gue untuk ngadepin semua masalah.

Kemarin... HP gue nyemplung. Bukan HP yang wah sekali sih, E51. Tapi belinya hasil nabung juga toh.
Rasanya gak seperti waktu gue kehilangan 3120 yang kecopetan di angkot.
Kesel sih tetep ada, tapi gak berlarut-larut. Gue tau ini sedikit "sentilan" dari Tuhan supaya gue lebih tau bersyukur dan berterima kasih.
Mungkin terlalu banyak mau-nya. Tapi jarang bersyukur, that's why it happened.

Mengingat semua kesulitan yang sudah gue lewatin sama keluarga gue, khususnya orang tua gue... gue percaya kok, klo hidup gak butuh kalkulator.
Dulu, waktu gue pertama kuliah, gue berpikir, berapa duit yang bakal gue abisin untuk kuliah.
Berarti jumlahnya kurang lebih setara dengan jumlah yang harus dihasilkan orang tua gue.
Dan memang gak sedikit... tapi toh... gue lulus tanpa ada masalah finansial ke kampus.
Mungkin memang masih ada utang sana-sini. Tapi masih bisa di-cover.

Setelah lulus, gue mulai dihadapkan pada beban berat lagi.
Dua tahun setelah gue lulus, kedua adik gue mulai memasuki kuliah.
So, gue pake kalkulator lagi... berapa jumlah yg mesti g kumpulin dalam 1-2 tahun, supaya adik gue bisa masuk kuliah.
Sekali lagi... jumlahnya gak sedikit. Sampai sekitar dua bulan terakhir, jumlah itu masih jauh dari cukup. Tapi... sekali lagi pula... Tuhan berperan.
Rio bisa kuliah... entah bagaimana caranya, he did.... I could afford it.
Selang setahun, Lia mesti masuk kuliah pula... and again... God showed His power and love to me... She did as well. I could do too...

Seeing this experience, I think I don't have to be worried anymore... Put the calculator away....
Only need to pray, do your best, God do the rest. I also believe in "blessing in disguise."
But that wasn't disguise at all... I'll take it as trial...

Sometimes I feel, I am lonely. Sooo.... lonely. I'm 25 and no girl beside me. Is that a mess??
Well, now, I don't think so. I have wonderful family, terrific parents, bro and sis. I have gorgeous friends in bebsgaul. Some wonderful office-mates. It's a matter about time. I'am not dreaming and dreaming... I'am also trying... hard. Maybe it's not the time, and I believe it will come.

Well, life's gonna pass after all. I think I'm running now... and in the right path.
So, no need to be worried (hopefully this feeling will stay long in my mind).

THANKS....

Bicara mengenai "harapan"

Kenapa selalu menanyakan hal ini??
Gue gak tau sebenernya inikah yang rasanya: "putus harapan tapi terus berharap?"
Sepertinya gue lagi ada dalam kondisi dimana semuanya hampir pasti tak sesuai harapan.
Pertanyaan-nya apakah harus "berhenti berharap?"
Gue harap, semoga "harapan" itu gak hilang, sampai semuanya tuntas... barulah kubunuh...
**tolong jangan salah sangka... ini kasus yg general untuk apa yg gue hadapi sekarang.

Bicara mengenai harapan... "apa yang lu harapkan sekarang???"
Buat gue, pertanyaan itu cuma ada 1 jawaban...
"Gue ada dalam kondisi di-mana gue akan tetap tersenyum dan lepas meskipun semua harapan itu sirna"

Terdengar idealis?? pesimis?? ato bahkan melankolis?? Entah... siapa saja bebas pilih...