Quality time

Well... I thank God for giving me a lovable weekend. I had been so close and intense with my family. I feel unwell recently, my head often gets dizzy and I feel unhealthy. My blood pressure is only 100/60. Even my mom hold my hand when we were in a mass at the church. She hold me along the "Our Father." At home, my dad, he massaged my back and feet. They both hold me and took care of me just like taking care a little kid. Sometimes.... I need it though.

I dreamt... I became a thief and a bad guy that sneaking and stealing anything that I want. Out of nowhere... my dad busted me and hold my hand.
He said: "Don't go!!! No more stealing and bad things."
I released and shouted him: "Take off my hand. I don't care."
But he said: "I do care... I won't let you go."
I replied: "What do you care??" then I went away.
While I was running away from him, he shouted from far: "I'll wait..."
Out of the blue, I cried and awoken. I woke in tears and relieve feelings. I don't really know why I cried, but the feelings is very different. I know I love him... and always.

Well... It was just like... I want to go back to my childhood, when those 2 pairs of hands (mom's and dad's) could hold my arms and lifted me up to swing me, when her arms could give me warms when I felt cold, when his shoulders could carry me upon so that I could watch circus show and "Disney on Ice" at Senayan.

Fiuuhh..... I will be missing my childhood, and also, will be missing this kind of weekend again with you dad, mom, bro and sis.

K.K.E.B

hey....
sepenggal lagu yang sempat terngiang malam ini...
di kos gue yang sunyi... sedikit panas namun tenang dan damai...
kepala ini nyaman sekali....
enjoy the song:

kuyakin dalam hatiku
kau satu yang ku perlu
kurasa hanya dirimu
yang membuatku rindu

bila saat nanti kau milikku
kuyakin cintamu
takkan terbagi, takkan berpaling
karena kutahu engkau begitu
karena kutahu engaku begitu

hingga ku pasti menunggu
selama apapun itu
demi cinta yang kurasakan
yang hanyalah kepadamu

percayalah kusungguh-sungguh
mengatakan semua
yakinkan hatimu kau milikku
karena kutahu engkau begitu
karena kutahu engkau begitu

So Un-thoughtful...

This lady knows I'm in a hard way to release it. But why should she ask me to choose who's best for "her?" It wasn't about you could accept the situation or not, but... as a friend... please, you know what I'm fighting for right now, do you?? So, don't let me know!! Both of you cud do that behind me, right?? I think I'd be happy though... It was like "scratching the wound again."
*Oh, goshhh... maybe I was too exaggerating it.

Titik Balik

Sepertinya gue sedang jenuh2nya sama pekerjaan. Gairah hilang, gue yakin kualitas kerja gue di kantor menurun. Gue merasakan kok, tampak ga ada beban dan kekuatiran dengan nasib2 pekerjaan gue. Sangat berbeda di tahun pertama gue di kantor.

Moreover, sepertinya ada beberapa lowongan menarik di tempat lain. Jobsdb dan Monster gak henti2nya ngasih info. huahahaha.... mungkin sudah saatnya untuk melihat sekeliling. Saya mau perubahan. Namun, bukan seperti ini cara mengakhirinya. Sangat tidak profesional.

Menurut gue, ini bagian yang paling sulit tampaknya, menemukan titik balik. Saat ini adalah saat di mana lu jatuh dari gunung dan mesti mulai mendaki lagi. Niat dan gairah itu yang sedang gue kumpulin lagi... Semoga tidak makan waktu lama.

Again... Learn to Let Go... (dedicated to a friend)

Well... I quoted it from my friend. At the same time, we are in similar situation. I'm trying to... yeah.. u know lah... And she's trying to "kill" it, too. Of course, we're in different story, only similar situation.

I remembered, the first time I broke with my girlfriend in high school. These words came out: "Something will be very priceless, if you have lost it..." Yeah... it's damn true. Now, I feel it so even though the situation is different this time.

Yeah, babe... VANISH.... that's what I want right now. Sigh... sounds so childish, not a gentleman typical. Well, I tried, though. However, the harder I try, the stronger the feeling is. I think I am sick.

Anyway, I know I can't just runaway and hide. I have to face this. Hard maybe, but I will always smile in front of you guys, mom, dad, bro, sis, mates... I admit.. this is hard, takes time and efforts.

We'll see then... Ok, mate... we'll make it. Let's continue to learn... learn to let go.

Haha... Masih susah...

well... gatau berapa lama nih.
hehehe... it's not that easy, beb...
at least I got 10-20% now.
i'm trying to be more "opened" now...
and raising my self-confidence.
not easy... but have to be ready.

Segitu lelahnya....

Ga gue sangka... segitu melelahkan...
Ayo terus... sepertinya sudah benar (semoga)...

May be not now...

Well.. at least I tried. And... it was a NO. But, truly... was a relieving NO. Better like this. I don't have anything burdening my head and shoulders now. I can even widely smile...

She's more than nice to take this beautifully. I cannot force it of course. I accepted it very well and manly. I don't have anything to be worried now. We decide to hold our hands together as good friend. Not more... and it is understandable.

Thanks to "you"... May God always be with you... and our friendship.