This is So So So Frustrating

It has been months when I started to have my disease under treatment, and just found it that it gets much worse after several weeks of positive progress.

At the moment, I can't think any positive thoughts. I just don't know what to do. Lots of money spent, time wasted.

Oh Lord, help me please. I don't know what to do.

Inspiration: I gotta believe

Juat read inspiring true story of a couple where the husband got lunges cancer, and all the fights and struggle they had for years in battling the disease.

We've gotta stay positive and believe His power...

http://www.katolisitas.org/kesembuhan-oleh-cinta-kasih-tuhan-lewat-mukjizat-ekaristi/

Best friends

It is always good to meet them..
Missing gouw, romo, yayah in the frame.
Thank you for the friendship....

Happy (belated) Birthday, Mom

Sorry if I almost forget to write this on my blog..
Sorry if I often make you annoyed..
Sorry if I ever hurt you..

But... Thank you for all the love you give.
That is priceless..

Happy birthday Mom
God bless you always...

Happy Birthday, Hun

I wish you a very happy birthday.
There's nothing I can promise but to be always right beside you for all of my life.

Allow me to cherish every moment with you, Dear...

God bless you, always...

Love,
Steven

Stumbled

When everything goes wrong, or... goes not the way you want to....

Lately, I've been thinking of not good things in my life, from family, health, job, future, etc. I just think that this began to a test for my patience, maturity, and wisdom. I just feel I face issues in communication. I feel that my circle of influence is getting smaller. I feel unimportant, not appreciated by everyone, my freedom and privacy were robbed.

And for all the good reason, I have to stand tall and strong to face the reality of my life that might not that smooth and pretty as I thought it would be. I just need to be alone actually, and let everything restarts. I hope I can get back up soon.

To Smile, to be Happy, and to Live

Just like the first time I felt this feeling, I am in love, and nothing or no one can explain this, including me.

The way she talks with me, I can feel her thoughtfulness...

The way she looks at my eyes when we meet everyday, I can see happiness through her eyes...

The way she shares problem and sorrow, I can see that she needs me and relies on me...

The way that she eats (especially nasi padang) like no one else's around, I can understand that she only cares about happiness (not belly fat)....

The way she thinks that she can no longer do anything with her belly fat, I can see that she puts high trust on me to love her the way she is...

The way she becomes very patient on my health condition, I can see and feel true love from her...

For me, she is the reason to smile, to be happy, and to live...

(Maybe) It's Time to Leave

Day after day, I have always been convincing myself that I can have a good career here. With all the opportunities that are possibly to come which can massively enlarge your capacity and capabilities. However, to get into that point, I am seeing a steep road right in front of me. Obstacles are there, and it includes myself.

 

I think there is no need for me to explain when Monday comes and all you can think is Friday and weekends. My supervisor has no time to talk about my KPI and I think she is "dwarfing" me so that I cannot grow higher as I targeted to. I think this gets even worse each day.

 

I always try to learn from all the mistakes in the past, be a better listener, catch up all things that I think I might left behind, try to build a good connection to my boss. However, as time goes by, my role is getting smaller and blur. I just think that I might be unwanted. Well, I hope this is wrong. But, I cannot avoid the fact that I am getting torpid. No significant leap in ability and experience. I am getting lost. Too bad that my big boss has already pensioned. He was the one that knows me and was able to utilize and grow me at the same time very well. He was the true leader to me.

 

Now, I am facing a stagnant career here. My wife even has much better career than I do. Lucky, she doesn't mind with that. Truly, I don't really care about that, but this pride does. I can't deny about that.