Everybody
knows that I’ve been single for more than twelve years. During that time I’ve
also tried to find a girlfriend. I admit that I’ve been very picky and most of
the time I get (very) cocky. Many times my friends tried to hook me up with
some girls, but none of them ended up as my girlfriend. There was also who really
likes me but it was responded bad (read: unseriously), I was playing
around with her feelings, instead. Yes, that was very mean.
Well,
I don’t remember much about it, but let’s flashback a bit for ones I can
remember.
W****Y
So,
she’s my childhood sweet memory. I don’t remember but when I moved to Tangerang
for Junior High School, we separated and didn’t meet each other again. Until
the third year (if I’m not mistaken) she moved to Tangerang, and we met again
for the second time. Actually, there was a chance for me to date her but there
was something inside me told me that I don’t need to probe her anymore. I don’t
know why but that was what happened. Yes, poor me. In 1999, she decided to move
to Taipei and have a new life there. Now, she’s married and becoming a happy
mother (due in Sep 2012). However, I’ve no regrets at all. We’re still
communicating via messenger and email. Oh, I’m not jealous, I’m happy for her,
instead.
S***A
In
2010 (if I’m not mistaken again), there was my office mate in Sp**e who tried
to hook me up with her friend. The reason was, we’re at the same age, both were
single (of course), and are Catholic. Well, I don’t really remember where or
how we first met. So, after our second time met each other (with our friends as
well), I didn’t feel anything special here, I guess she felt the same. So, I
just let it go.
Months
later, she was no longer single. She dated with my friend, B**ny. Hahahaha…. He
is more aggressive (read: smarter to take a chance) than I am. Again, I’ve no
regret. I’m definitely fine. So, they were couple. However, about a year ago,
they broke up.
I***E
She’s
the one that really likes me, I mean REALLY likes me. Perhaps, if I gave her a chance, she would love
me. She’s one of the closest persons around me that never missed out my
birthday and always give birthday present every year. She was my office mate in
S**re. We had so many times spent together, hanging out, watching movies,
having dinner, taking her home, etc, and sometimes there were only two of us. The worst one was: I like to tease her. She blushed easily when I
teased her.
I had no idea if those things led a crush on me. Until one night after we had a fro-yo
dessert at mall, I definitely understood the situation that had been happening
between us. I realized that it had gone too far. No... I had gone too far.
After
that night, I tried to make distance. I backed off. I knew she felt down and
disappointed. When, I chose to leave the company, I thought she was quite
shocked. So, on the latest days there, she gave me a special belated Christmas gift.
Inside, there was a letter. Yes, that’s right…. She expressed her feelings to
me there. She told me everything. She LIKED me.
S****A
I
think I don’t have to tell about her too much here anymore. One thing is, she has
filled most part of my heart. She made my world very different. Unfortunately,
she rejected me.
Where’s
the Karma?
The
story before… Far far behind….
When
I’m still chasing SS. I put a lot of hope on her. Although, I haven’t heard
from her directly what she felt about me, I have information from my
friends that she once had the same feeling about me. But somehow it faded because she waited
too long for my action. My reason at that time was very funny. I thought if I took the chance and got rejected, it would screw our relationship as best
friend. LOL…. It makes me feel very stupid when remembering this thing. Now I get
it. I get what I give. I gave less effort, so I get worse result.
The
second thing is: freedom. When my friends ask me why I didn’t take action
quickly, I always said that I didn’t want to get attached this soon. I still
need my friends and my freedom. I consciously said that and I'm telling you that it was totally
not serious. I was playing around with my words. I was joking. I really didn’t mean
it.
Do
you think it is “Karma”? Yes, it is, Karma of my words.
Back
to I**ne (IH) and S***ya (SS)
After
SS rejected me, I spent a lot of time with IH. I think that’s what made her
crushed on me even more. It’s like a triangle. Now, when I’m in chat with SS, I
try my best to go deeper on the conversation, but she knows how to keep it upon
the surface. She keeps the proper distance beautifully. Same thing with IH and
me, when she tried to talk nicer and sweeter, I know that involves different
feelings. I can feel “hope” inside the conversation. That is what
exactly I put on every conversation with SS, I’m still hoping.
Is
this Karma? I think it is…
Back
to this morning (when I had a conversation with Yayah)
Yesterday
was IH’s birthday. I was just saying happy birthday and that was all. She asked
me to meet and I tried to avoid it, because I didn’t want to do the same
mistake to her. I’ve been too mean for her.
She
keeps asking me this morning whether I’m in Jakarta or not (because previously I
informed that I’m on leave today). Then she asked me for a dinner. I asked her
back who will come to the dinner. She told me that there will be another two of
our friends. Then I said I’ll let her know.
I was
curious and finally asked my friends that she said are invited, and they said
they didn’t know anything about it. Hahaha…..
So
that, I told about this to Yayah. Do you know what she said? Below is the
quote:
………… (other text messages)
Yayah : kao bener tada hati sama dia
Me :
ga ada laaaaa
………… (other text messages)
………… (other text messages)
Me :
Jujur saya suka flirting** dia. Kalo abis di-flirt**,
mukanya langsung merah.
Yayah : Jahat Kau
Tapi hati kau buat orang yang gak mempan kau
flirting yaakkk….
*ROFL 5x
Karma kau
(**flirt: not what I really
meant. Maybe the more suitable word is just: “tease”)
DANG!!!!!!
See the last quote? “Tapi hati kau buat orang yang gak mempan kau flirting
yaakkk”
That
one hit very very hard.
Right
at that second, I believe that Karma exists.
You
are what you do.
You
take what you give.
Oedipus
complex
And
some other things…. I un-seriously (but often) say that the more mature the
hotter. Even hot mama is better than innocent teenage girl. Honestly, I’m
playing around with my words again. I really do not mean it.
But
I don’t know how, the more I say that, the closer to the truth. I prefer seeing
mature lady than young lady. I think I eat my words again. I swallow what I chew.
This
makes me surer that Karma exists. I get what I say. I take what I give.
LESSON LEARNED
Watch
your mouth, watch your thought!!! When you lead them to something good, good
things will follow, and vice versa.
Whatever it is called… “Karma” or whatever… do keep
in your mind that never let your naughty thought grows bigger and gets
dangerous. You can’t easily throw that mind away, but trust yourself and ensure
your mind that you can overcome the test. Remember this: “what you give is what
you take”, so do not give a chance for that naughty thoughts to grow even
bigger if you do not want to take all the risk.
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