malam penuh kegusaran (agak sedikit menyeramkan)

Semalam saya tertidur sambil duduk saat sedang mengerjakan pekerjaan saya. Dan saya bermimpi... kita skip dulu ya mimpinya. Nanti dilanjutkan.

Yang pasti setelah terbangun, saya tidak tahan ingin pipis, dan bergegaslah saya ke kamar mandi. Saat keluar kamar memang suasana sudah sangat gelap, dan saya memang biasanya sangat terbiasa dan cukup senang dengan ketenangan, kegelapan, dan suasana sunyi seperti itu. Namun semalam berbeda. Seakan setiap gerakan saya ada yang mengawasi. Entah "apa" atau "siapa"... yang pasti saya cukup tidak nyaman. Pun begitu setelah saya keluar dari kamar mandi. Seakan ada yang mengikuti. Walaupun ada rasa takut, tapi rasa penasaran saya lebih dominan. Dan setelah menoleh ke segala arah... memang tidak ada apa-apa. Tapi feeling itu sangat kuat. Entah apa atau bagaimana deh... yang pasti ada yang mengawasi dan memperhatikan gerak-gerik ku.

Setelah masuk kamar, di dalam kegelapan, dan berbaring sesaat, lalu memejamkan mata. Perasaan itu makin kuat. Sepintas terlihat bayangan orang-orang berbaju hitam sedang memperhatikan saya yang sedang tertidur. Menyeramkan memang. Tapi sontak ini membuat saya naik darah. Mengganggu istirahat saya saja. Padahal saya sedang butuh istirahat dan ketenangan. Akhirnya, saya memutuskan untuk berdoa (mungkin karna tadi tertidur dan lupa berdoa, jadi terbawa perasaan yang tidak enak). Saya melihat rosario saya yang memang glow in the dark. Lalu saya memutuskan untuk memakai itu, dan berdoa. Akhirnya... tidur cukup nyenyak, tanpa mimpi. Hehehe...

Kembali ke soal mimpi sebelumnya. Saya bermimpi bertemu dengan ibu katekis saya, pembimbing rohani, mama dari teman kecilku (Karen), dia: Tante Joyce. She looks healthy (not like when the last time I saw her before she passed away few years ago caused by breast cancer). She didn't say anything. But in front of her, there are Jesus and Mother Mary's statue. Also... there was white rosary which attract me a lot. I'm not sure what I did in my dream. However, there must be something she'd like to tell. It's still a puzzle for me.

I hope everything's gonna be okay. If there is something God wants to tell me... I hope I can read it and do something necessary. I don't want to disappoint anyone in my life. Fiuh... what a night...

and... it's all DONE...

As you can see in the picture (please click it to enlarge), that was the hardest part after all my four amazing years in Spire. I was thrilled. And when I was composing the letter, my mom stood behind me. I wasn't sure if she understands the English or not (hahaha...), but her present at that time gave me more courage to move on. She knew it was very hard for me to leave this company. And one thing to be remembered from her advice was: GIVE THANKS, to God, Erwin, Jeff, Agus, and all my friends. That was pretty simple, right? But, she was right, I'm nothing without them.

why again??

So I got these two ladies which had been very best parts of my life. One's my ex, the other one is she-who-still-the-best.

I don't know... lately I've been talking, communicating, sharing, etc with both of them. And this strange feeling comes up again. I feel connected as I had felt long time ago.

With my ex, it's like she still needs me as a shoulder to cry on, as a man beside her to guide and lead. And somehow she said that it was a dumb decision to get separated with me years ago. I don't really care bout it, but somehow... it bothers me.

The other one also, lately we communicate and share quite frequent. This is what we always did. Ask other's opinion for something (e.g. problem, job thingy, deciding something, etc). I know this has only 1% opportunities for me. And it almost gone since she must do something that physically separate us even further. However.... she still shares it and keeps me in her loop. I really appreciate this.