I Made Her "Cry"

It sounds like something bad happen to my girlfriend and I, doesn’t it? Well, that was totally wrong. 

Two days ago, my girlfriend asked me about my blog address. At first, I was ashamed to give it to her, but she insisted to read it, and so I gave it. After reading couple of posts, she started to cry to know the other side of me, the fragile side of me. I’m that weak, actually. I had no one to tell my story, I didn’t want to share any load to my family, because I didn’t want to make them sad or anything, so that I wrote this blog.

She said that she was grateful for everything happened to her, and she said that I’m too good to be true for her. 

I’ve never thought what I wrote would arouse someone’s feeling, honestly. Well, I thank God for letting me inspire someone for what I wrote. Not a fancy things, but at least this makes my girlfriend loves me more, and I do love her too even more.

One Year

As of today, we have been a couple for one year. Thus, it is a special day for my girlfriend and I. We agreed to plan ahead for further relationship. Hopefully, we can make it next year.  We are very serious with this.

We have also started to prepare everything, start from HOUSE. After about seven months of searching, finally today, we officially book a two-floor house in Karawaci area for our future. Wow… what a way to start it. I hope we can go through this together.

I want to thank God for making it happened to us. I cannot ask for more. Thanks for all Your kindness.  It’s all about time, and Your time is just perfect. Praise the Lord. Amen.

I am Lucky

Almost a year being a couple, I can’t stop thanking God for He has given me the best lady by my side. She is like the one for me. She’s very thoughtful, nice, caring, willing to sacrifice for me, etc.

There were two times I was run to the hospital for my chest pain, and she was always there to take care of me, waiting for me, and ensuring me that everything’s going to be okay.

When talking about future, I always said that I need her to understand and I will need some time to collect the money for wedding, future house, etc. And she said that I don’t have to be worry too much about that, and she wanted us to share the load. She doesn’t want me to take the entire burden by myself. She said that if we go together, we get through all the laughter and pain together, both material and moral support.

When talking about wedding, fortunately, she has the same concept with me. Not a fancy one, but more casual, no main stage, no formal ceremony. We want a very casual and friendly celebration. We both will just mingle around with the guests, relatives, friends, and colleagues.

Thank God… can’t ask for more.

Padang Trip

Aug 31 to Sep 3, I went to Padang with my girlfriend for the first time. It was really such an experience in my girlfriend's hometown. I met her big family there. They are very welcome and nice. I stayed in her house in Padang. It isn't big, but very clean and homey. It's in China-town area called Pondok and it is close enough to the shore, only about five minutes with motor-bike. Her parents welcomed me very well, also with her brother, whom actually met him prior when he was visiting us to Jakarta about a month before.

I went there not only for holiday, but also to let them know that I am serious with my relationship with my girlfriend. And it's about time for me to step further with my girlfriend. Hopefully, next year at the latest, I can marry her.

As usual, every trip to new cities is time to explore the food. And for me, Padang has many good foods. Unfortunately, my condition is not pretty well to take all of them. However, I promise to get recovered soon and will be back there with perfect condition and enjoy Padang even more.

Once again, that was a pleasant trip and meaningful holiday. Thanks a lot to all the family there. Let us all hope for a good progress here and meet you all again as part of my big family.

They Kept This Secret for About 28 Years

Last Sunday, on August 25 to be exact, my parents, my sister and I were going together to mall for routine monthly shopping at Karawaci. When we were on our way back to home, we had lots of talks and jokes. At once – I wasn't pretty sure what we were talking about at that time
-- the point is there is something related to my mom. At one time, I told my sister that she has to do diet. And she replied that what if in the future she gets pregnant and gives birth, that will be very hard to lose her weight. Suddenly, my mom said: "I have four children and I still could lose my weight."

At first, I thought my mom was wrong-saying about that or probably she was having a joke that all four children she meant was me, Rio, and Lia (but she counted Lia as 2 children). Thus, I responded so to my mom. But, she said that it was true, she should have had four children. I am the eldest, and she failed the second one. My dad said that she should be my sister. We were only one year difference.

Suddenly, many questions appeared in my head: Where is she? What happened? How do I not know about this? Why my parents never tell me anything? etc etc

Patiently, my mom and dad told me that it was a difficult situation at that time for them to decide. Economically, they could not afford the fee for giving birth, raised another child, etc. So, they aborted for economy and health purpose. I was definitely shocked. There were mixed-feelings I felt at the same time. I… I… I was speechless.

My mom continued telling that she and dad felt very very guilty, but they had no options at that time. But they already confessed in a sacrament of penance (reconciliation). They felt very sorry to God.

Even until I write this post, I'm still confused. I don't know what to react and give opinions or thoughts. I only hope that God really really forgives us for everything that we have done in the past.

After all, I love my family. My dad, mom, bro, and sis. Probably, this is what it was meant to be.

Arti Kesetiaan

Got this from a broadcast message... so touchy for me, personally... I hope I could always remember this story when or if I get trial in my marriage life in the future.

===================================================

Kisah nyata yang bagus sekali untuk contoh kita semua yang saya dapat dari millis sebelah (kisah ini pernah ditayangkan di MetroTV).

Ini cerita nyata, beliau adalah Bapak Eko Pratomo Suyatno, Direktur Fortis Asset Management yang sangat terkenal di kalangan Pasar Modal dan Investment, beliau juga sangat sukses dalam memajukan industri Reksadana di Indonesia. Apa yang diutarakan beliau adalah sangat benar sekali. Silakan baca dan dihayati.

Dilihat dari usianya beliau sudah tidak muda lagi, usia yang sudah senja bahkan sudah mendekati malam, Pak Suyatno 58 tahun kesehariannya diisi dengan merawat istrinya yang sakit istrinya juga sudah tua.Mereka menikah sudah lebih 32 tahun. Mereka dikarunia 4 orang anak.

Disinilah awal cobaan menerpa, setelah istrinya melahirkan anak keempat tiba-tiba kakinya lumpuh dan tidak bisa digerakkan. Itu terjadi selama 2 tahun. Menginjak tahun ke tiga, seluruh tubuhnya menjadi lemah bahkan terasa tidak bertulang, lidahnyapun sudah tidak bisa digerakkan lagi.

Setiap hari Pak Suyatno memandikan, membersihkan kotoran, menyuapi, dan mengangkat istrinya keatas tempat tidur. Sebelum berangkat kerja, dia letakkan istrinya di depan TV supaya istrinya tidak merasa kesepian. Walau istrinya tidak dapat bicara tapi dia selalu melihat istrinya tersenyum.

Untunglah tempat usaha pak suyatno tidak begitu jauh dari rumahnya sehingga siang hari dia pulang untuk menyuapi istrinya makan siang. Sorenya dia pulang memandikan istrinya, mengganti pakaian dan selepas sore dia temani istrinya nonton televisi sambil menceritakan apa-apa saja yang dia alami seharian. Walaupun istrinya hanya bisa memandang tapi tidak bisa menanggapi, Pak Suyatno sudah cukup senang, bahkan dia selalu menggoda istrinya setiap berangkat tidur.

Rutinitas ini dilakukan Pak Suyatno lebih kurang 25 tahun, dengan sabar dia merawat istrinya bahkan sambil membesarkan ke 4 buah hati mereka, sekarang anak-anak mereka sudah dewasa, tinggal si bungsu yang masih kuliah.

Pada suatu hari, ke empat anak suyatno berkumpul dirumah orang tua mereka sambil menjenguk ibunya. Karena setelah anak mereka menikah, sudah tinggal dengan keluarga masing-masing dan Pak Suyatno memutuskan ibu mereka dia yang merawat, yang dia inginkan hanya satu semua anaknya berhasil.

Dengan kalimat yang cukup hati-hati anak yang sulung berkata “Pak kami ingin sekali merawat ibu, semenjak kami kecil melihat bapak merawat ibu, tidak ada sedikitpun keluhan keluar dari bibir bapak, bahkan bapak tidak ijinkan kami menjaga ibu”.

Dengan air mata berlinang anak itu melanjutkan kata-kata: “sudah yang keempat kalinya kami mengijinkan bapak menikah lagi, kami rasa ibupun akan mengijinkannya, kapan bapak menikmati masa tua bapak, dengan berkorban seperti ini kami sudah tidak tega melihat bapak. Kami janji kami akan merawat ibu sebaik-baik secara bergantian”.

Pak Suyatno menjawab hal yang sama sekali tidak diduga anak-anaknya: “Anak-anakku… Jikalau perkawinan dan hidup di dunia ini hanya untuk nafsu, mungkin bapak akan menikah.. tapi ketahuilah dengan adanya ibu kalian disampingku itu sudah lebih dari cukup, dia telah melahirkan kalian. Sejenak kerongkongannya tersekat, kalian yang selalu kurindukan hadir di dunia ini dengan penuh cinta yang tidak satupun dapat dihargai dengan apapun.”

“Coba kalian tanya ibumu apakah dia menginginkan keadaannya seperti ini? Kalian menginginkan bapak bahagia, apakah bathin bapak bisa bahagia meninggalkan ibumu dengan keadaanya sekarang, kalian menginginkan bapak yang masih diberi Tuhan kesehatan dirawat oleh orang lain? Bagaimana dengan ibumu yg masih sakit.”

Sejenak meledaklah tangis anak-anak pak suyatno. Merekapun melihat butiran-butiran kecil jatuh dipelupuk mata ibu Suyatno. Dengan pilu ditatapnya mata suami yg sangat dicintainya itu.

Sampailah akhirnya Pak Suyatno diundang oleh salah satu stasiun TV swasta untuk menjadi nara sumber dan mereka pun mengajukan pertanyaan kepada Suyatno, kenapa mampu bertahan selama 25 tahun merawat Istrinya yang sudah tidak bisa apa-apa.

Disaat itulah meledak tangis beliau dengan tamu yang hadir di studio, kebanyakan kaum perempuanpun tidak sanggup menahan haru. Disitulah Pak Suyatno bercerita..” Jika manusia didunia ini mengagungkan sebuah cinta dalam perkawinannya, tetapi tidak mau memberi (memberi waktu, tenaga, pikiran, perhatian) itu adalah kesia-siaan”.

“Saya memilih istri saya menjadi pendamping hidup saya, dan sewaktu dia sehat diapun dengan sabar merawat saya, mencintai saya dengan hati dan bathinnya bukan dengan mata, dan dia memberi saya 4 orang anak yang lucu-lucu. Sekarang dia sakit karena berkorban untuk cinta kita bersama. Dan itu merupakan ujian bagi saya, apakah saya dapat memegang komitmen untuk mencintainya apa adanya. Sehatpun belum tentu saya mencari penggantinya apalagi dia sakit…”

**Semoga cerita ini bermanfaat untuk Anda renungkan "Arti Kesetiaan", Amin.

I'm Sure I'm Okay

Following my previous post regarding my breathing problem, I was run to the hospital on Thursday evening. I was having dinner with my girlfriend at the mall, and I got hard to breathe, and suddenly got panic.

I don’t want to wait any longer, so she ran me to the hospital and took me to emergency unit. They helped me with oxygen and observed me. Several tests were done to find out what actually happened to me. They took photo on my thorax, took my blood for observing it further, and recorded my heart beat with ECG examination. And everything was just fine. But, I didn't want to take any risk. So, I decided to get hospitalized and registered to see cardiologist in the next morning.

The morning came, and I was visited and examined by the doctor. She said I looked fine. So, she offered me to do treadmill test to know how my heart reacts in stress/tired condition. The result was very fine. She said I have no issue with my heart. Oh my God, that was the most relieving things I've ever heard in my life.

Another test was done to check my abdomen. I got some issues inside my stomach, got a bit gastritis, and fatty liver. That means, I have to work out immediately to lower my cholesterol.

After that, I consulted everything with the doctor. She took some time to observe me further about my breathing problem, because I still got hard to breathe. And, she came with a conclusion that I got Hyperventilation Syndrome. That condition enables me to get hard to breathe, and easily drive me panic and worry too much. She said, this is a psychological condition which has no specific medication. This was caused by over-stressed and over-thinking. Hence, the only therapy is using a paper bag to balance the O₂ and CO₂ in my brain.

Well, I’m in a medication now. But, I’m sure I’m okay and will be okay. I just need to have a good rest, start to work out and enjoy my life. Thanks God I’m fine. I hope this gets better.

My Best Birthday Gift

I'm officially 29 years old now. Not that old huh, but things go very fast, it feels like I just graduated from college yesterday.

Anyway, talking about birthday, means talking about gift. This year, I don't have anything to ask, actually. I have my family, now I have someone special beside me, get a new job. Well, I can't ask for more.

Last Sunday, I got a very bad thing in my body. At lunch time, we had lunch at BanJak seafood to celebrate my dad's birthday. Right after that, my mom, dad, and I went to LW just to hangout. Suddenly, I got a bad feeling. My head is turning around, it isn't like you got headache. It felt very light and I felt like I was going to fly around. I also got hard to breathe. It was like something hold my chest and lungs to breathe. I was frightened and decided to leave earlier and asked my dad to take me to the hospital. I was afraid there is something with my heart.

So, I got first aid. They helped me with oxygen so I could breathe normally and injected me with vitamin while they were observing my progress. Thank God, that was nothing serious, but I was still very worried about this.

On the next morning (Monday), I went to see internist to check it up. He suspected I got cholesterol, and suspected my blood viscosity is not normal. If so, then I potentially suffered from "jantung koroner." Wow... This really shocked me.

On Tuesday morning, I got blood checkup and found out that my cholesterol is quite high. Hence, doctor asked me to do diet and have a very good and quality rest. However, I still got hard to breathe until now. I think I worry too much on this.

Well.... After thinking it over and over again, I guess I take this "too serious" which makes me worry too much. Luckily, I have my family who supports me, I have my girlfriend who calms me down. And... I think this is one of God's way to always remind me of Him, makes me still close to Him. Because when I feel everything's okay, then I would have less things to wish for. I might forget that I still have to thank Him.

Therefore, I think God wants me to always remember Him and never stop praying to Him, Jesus Christ and Mother Mary. So, despite all the cost I have to pay, the blood I have to check, the time I have to spend, yes it is.... I think this is my best birthday gift ever. He still loves me, and he always will. I can feel it, though; through all people around me, through my family, my girlfriend, and of course myself.

Thank you, Lord... for the birthday gift.

I love You, Jesus and Mother Mary. 

Ketika Hidup Tak Semudah Itu

Pagi ini, gue antar nyokap ke pasar untuk beli sarapan. Sambil menunggu beliau, gue memarkirkan motor gue di dekat gang di sekitar pasar. Dan memutuskan untuk nulis di bb.

Di depan gue ada berderet tukang becak yang sedang menunggu penumpang. Sempat jijik saat melihat si abang becak membuang ludah sembarangan dan sebagian ludahnya masih tersisa di dalam becaknya. Dan satu abang becak lagi dengan sombongnya memarkirkan becaknya dan menghalangi jalan yang bisa dilalui orang lain. Bahkan ketika diminta untuk menepikan sedikit becaknya, mukanya terlihat nyolot dan ngajakin ribut. Lengkap sudah kekonyolan pagi ini yang membuat gue berkesimpulan singkat: "gimana negara mao bersih dan tertib kalo sikap, sifat, dan mental kita seperti ini? Seakan udah jadi budaya yang biasa aja."

Tapi saat gue melihat salah satu abang becak -- kurang lebih di usia 50an, yang mengeluarkan beberapa helai uang ribuan dari kantongnya, paling cuma ada sekitar 3000-4000 rupiah, ditambah dua lembar 5000. Yah berati sampe jam 9, dia cuma pegang max 14000. Itu juga belom tentu hasil narik semua, barangkali ada sisa semalam buat kembalian. Di tambah lagi kompetisi antar tukang becak maupun angkot. Terlihat pagi ini pasar cukup rame, dan tukang becak di sekitar gue nunggu ada sekitar 10an. Setelah 20menit nunggu, baru ada 1 tukang becak yang dapet penumpang.

Well... What a tough life, isn't it?

Ketika gue pikir lagi ke belakang... Hidup gue juga gak mudah-mudah amat, dan seringnya gue merasa kurang dan ngedumel sama yang Di Atas. Semoga apa yang gue liat pagi ini dan hari-hari lainnya nanti bisa jadi pelajaran bahwa gue mesti lebih sering bersyukur, karena memang kenyataan hidup gak seperti yang terbayangkan, karena memang hidup gak semudah itu.

Ends 2012 with Grateful

So, officially, long holiday is over. We’ll see if we will have a long one again next year. What I can say to close this year off is THANK YOU, LORD!!! Everything happened to me is Your plans and I believe they are beautiful. I summarize some of the big things happened during 2012 below.

They made it

I remembered about 6 years ago when I was just graduating from my college. I was faced by uncertain future, especially my brother and sister’s future. I have no guaranteed fund to pay their tuition fee. At that time, I was only paid less than IDR3mio/month. Well, as I said few years ago about this: “Life doesn’t need calculator; God will do the calculation.” Hence, I just let everything went in their way, and all I needed to do was just do the best.

Now, they are already graduated. Even Rio is a cum laude graduated. They both have career now and I’m very happy for that. They are also able to earn their life now. God bless you, guys.

Good health

Lately, the weather has not been very friendly. Some of us got sick and needed to have bed-rest, including me. However, there are supposed to be nothing serious and we can recover. I thank God for my parents’ health. Hopefully they can live long enough to see and play with their grand children.

In a relationship

In February 2012, I promised myself that I would put more effort in having a girlfriend before February 2013. I had been 12 years being single, and I didn’t want to make it 13 years. And again…. God granted my wish. In October 2012, He gave me one of the most priceless treasures I’ve ever had. He sent me Livia to my life.

Hence….

Yes…. That is the proper word: “grateful”

God has always been very kind to me all the time. My sincere gratitude to God, Jesus Christ, and Mother Mary for all the blessings.

IN 2013, I HOPE FOR…

A new job or better situation in office 

I’m actually not looking for a new job. What I wish for is a comfortable and supportive condition in my work place. Well, if I had to move, then that would be a better one, because I’m actually grateful for what I got right now.

A house 

That’s my target this year before I step further in my relationship with Livia.

Good health

Of course, I wish for a good health for my family and everyone I love. 

Good relationship with my loved ones

I also hope my brother, my sister, and I have good career. Moreover, our good relationship will last forever. 
With my parents, especially my dad... I hope I can be a very patient man to deal with my dad. Love you both.

With Livia, I wish we get to know and love each other more and more and more. 

Thanks God…. Thanks a million….