Christmas Dinner with Bebs

After quite some time, we met again. Cherishing the moment with my besties is wonderful. Unfortunately, Romo, Bendot, Yayah couldn't make it. Missed them.

Thank God I have them.

My Meaningful Christmas

We were planning to have a mass in Christmas eve, but right before lunch, my sister called me that mom felt unwell and sick. I was quite shocked and worried on her. And after seeing a doctor, she was better and nothing to be worried of.

Hence, we had Christmas mass on 25 in the morning and spent the rest of the day with family in the mall. I felt that I am happy to spend the Christmas with my family, but somehow I didn't feel it happened to everyone. I sensed something was happening and not all of us felt in a Christmas mood. I felt awry and didn't know what to do.

The day after Christmas, my parents, siblings and their couples had another family time and asked us to go with them. However, I felt that it was not a good time to go, and we decided to stay at home. Although in the evening we watched movies, I still felt unfriendly situation with my wife.

9:30 PM, went to bed after an awkward day. And as usual, we prayed together before sleep. After closing off the prayer, suddenly my wife cried. And so she told me on everything she had been feeling recently. She thought that she had so many problems in her head, many things had happened and she thought that she could not handle them anymore, she was overwhelmed.

Apparently, she had troubles to sleep for weeks because of the problems in mind. She cried all the time and felt that things didn't seem go on her way. Long story short, she was worried and afraid if these bad situations would effect our marriage.

And then we had a deep, intense, and intimate talking. We solved the problem. We decided to move on and trust each other even more. And so she slept soundly.

I took my time to look back and diggest all these things that just went through to our life as husband and wife. Yes, we had fun, but a lot things happened not in our way. And so I felt that God is working on us right now. We were led and guided for a much better way. Although we didn't understand it yet, but I believe we are in a right track. We have Him by our side, and we just have to believe that.

Even though, it was tough situation, I closed of this year's Christmas with tons of thankfullness for all the joy, hardship, lessons, and finally smile and relief for we can stand together to face the obstacles. Thank you, Lord. We are blessed.

Merry Christmas

Got Slipped... and Trying to Get Back Up Higher

"Arrogant"; that might be the closest word that describes myself. For a moment I think that I have disappointed many people around me: my bosses, vendors, peers, my wife, and especially I have disappointed my own self.

"Overrated"; that one is also one of the closest word that describes what I think of my performance in office. Been doing extra miles, many jobs that are not exactly in my shop, and I thought I deserved much better rewards for what I have been doing. But, after knowing that I made a mistake which causes huge impact, I feel terrible, I feel useless. And it knocked me down to the earth and made me conscious that I am not that good enough. Not enough control, awareness, passion, spirit, determination, and the most important thing is HUMILITY. I was to cocky.

And now I got slipped to the very bottom of hollow, because my head was raised to high so I did not see what was in my path. So that I slipped and fell. I want to cry but tears don't come out. My disappointment of myself is extremely high. I am very embarrassed.

It is now very hard to face this as the peak looks so high right now. I can only cry myself and blame all the things that I did not do to make it all right from the early stage. There is only regret.

Now, I am trying to get back up higher than before. But, surely at this moment, I cannot expect that I can have wings to fly directly there. I will only have to trace it back one step at a time, slowly but sure and full of cautious.

"Hun, don't worry. People make mistake. Please don't get stressed out because of this issue. Trust me, happy and sorrow, we will face this together," my wife said.

Lord, thank you for giving me my wife. She has been very gorgeous to me over the years. Now, please let me face this with brave and responsibility. Let me have the spirit back to fix the broken things here. Let me always be reminded to always look down and humble, so that I won't fall anymore in the future.

AMEN

I Think I'm Not That Good

At the moment, I think I put myself in a situation that I have to admit I'm not that good in doing my job.

Looking back into my previous post, I think I overrated myself. And now I realize I was wrong. After years been doing this and now I loose my grip and got trouble because I did not control it well. It was just one simple thing but I missed it. Now I have to figure out how to solve the problem.

On the other side, I think God just sent me a clear message for I have to work harder to achieve something. I've been to cocky along this time, and now I get the punishment.

God, please let me always smile to face this and every obstacles on my way to success. Let me realize that this is just one of the trial that I have to through.

It is hard to not get upset

I just had one on one session with my boss. And the result is that I only meet expectation, not even exceeding. So, where the hell were my extra-miles stuffs over the last two years.

I don't really care actually. However, noticing that you are underrated without any clear justification is very painful to me. It is hard to accept.

Lucky, I have my wife who understands on the situation. And of course... I have God that knows me best. And I am sure He will show me the way.

Family Trip

Once I had a dream and promise to take my family out for overseas holiday. Well, if I can't take them all, at least I can take my parents first.

So, I took them to Singapore in mid-September. There were six of us, i.e. mom, dad, mom-in-law, bro-in-law, my wife and I. We spent four days there. At first we were worried on the haze that had been a big issue over the last weeks. It was caused by forest fires in Sumatra and Borneo area. Even one day before we departed, my friend reported that the haze was getting worse at that day. Some people already wore masker. But, my mom said: "don't worry... it will be gone when we are there."

And so we left to Singapore for holiday in the morning. The whole trip was foggy and hazy. Right before landing, rain poured quite heavy. Until we got to the hotel, it got really heavy, and the good thing was: the air got clearer. Somehow my mom was right hahahaha. And so that began our fun holiday.

We had a good time there, enjoyed many good foods, made to Sentosa and Marina Bay Sands. We also visited our relatives which has been in a treatment for a breast cancer. We really hope she can make this through and recover very soon.

I see that my parents were very happy and enjoying the holiday. They became so camera-sensitive when they found good spots for photo background. My mom-in-law and bro-in-law was very happy having a great time with all the family. Bro-in-law found his freedom moment here and it made him relieved and calmer.

It is our goal to take them overseas and we made it. Of course, there will be other family trips again in the future. Japan? China? New Zealand? Aussie? Europe? US? Name it... I will try to make that happen. Really look forward to it.

I really thank God a lot for His blessings to our big family. We really had fun. Can you see that??

Be Patient, Make Peace!!

Maybe it's not the time.

Lately, my mind has been bothered by our chance to have a mortgage using my wife's entitled facility from her company she works at. The issue is on the appraisal. Somehow it went down to far from the proposed amount. Thus we have to add up quite much to get the house, which is quite difficult for us to afford it.

Few days ago, I woke up at 2:00 AM and hardly got back to sleep again. I was thinking about what went wrong with the process, were we proposing to high, anything that we can do to make it exactly what we wanted to, how could the appraiser be so stupid, can I bribe the appraiser, etc. My mind kept thinking about those questions for about half an hour. Until the time I realized and closed my eyes for couple minutes, I asked God and surrendered, I made peace with myself and situation. I was suddenly enlightened and conscious that I have to let go, I have to let God decides what is best for me, for us. If we are not moving there, then we already have a house too. So, what do I expect? I am not homeless though. I still have a house, a beautiful house. I am so possible to move there. In other view, maybe God doesn't allow me to have a big installment, He might have planned something bigger for us, so that we must prepare well. That's why I think I am greedy and thankless.

I was remembering couple things in the past which showed my impatience and unappreciative behavior. I therefore thought that this was the time for me to make peace to myself and situation, to let God's grace works upon us in order to lead us in making a decision for our future house. I kept saying that I let every thing happens on your will. However, when it came out of my will, I asked You a lot, I forgot that I already said otherwise. I am sorry.

After an enlightening one hour, I fell asleep again, and got up in the morning with smile. Thanks for guiding me, God. I am sure the time will come. I just have to wait and pray...

Happy Birthday Hunny

I wish you a very happy birthday, my dear...  I am sorry for not being romantic, because it is hard to do ;)

Flowers die, but trust me that this love will not ever.

God bless you Hun....

She Fell (literally)

This morning, we had breakfast together at my wife’s office. After finishing, we were about to leave the canteen and go to our office. And then she went to the restroom for a moment while I was waiting at the couch.

After few minutes, I heard something or someone fell and hit the floor. When I saw it, it was my wife. I suddenly run to her and picked her up. She was slipped and got ankle injury. Yes, basically it was just an ordinary little accident.

At the moment, I am just thinking at her when she fell. I feel sorry and pity to see her fell and hit the floor like that. I am thinking, what if I wasn’t there.  Geez… I can’t believe I wrote something like this. But truly, this means something to me. I will try as much as possible to be at her side most of the time. I hope that I could be there whenever she falls down... literally or not.

Sehat itu Mahal, dan Sangat Berharga

Dari kemarin, saya rawat inap di RS PIK untuk penanganan gangguan lambung yang sudah mengganggu sejak dua tahun terakhir. Kebetulan, saya dirawat di kamar kelas 2 yang terdiri dari 4 pasien.

Katakanlah pasien A, beliau sepertinya habis operasi saraf or something. Umurnya sekitar 60an. Saya ga terlalu engeh karena mereka sepertinya berbahasa hokian.

Di seberang saya ini kayanya umurnya sekitar 40 tahun. Baru masuk berbarengan dengan saya kemarin. Singkatnya beliau ini dilarikan ke rumah sakit karena tiba-tiba pusing dan pandangan gelap. Ternyata beliau didiagnosa gejala stroke ringan, karena setelah di MRI ternyata ada beberapa titik sumbatan di pembuluh darah otak.

Yang satu lagi, sepertinya sudah di usia 60-70 tahun. Beliau sudah 9 hari di sini ditemani oleh pengasuh/perawat pribadinya. Beliau ini ternyata menderita stroke. Jadi pada dasarnya beliau ini sudah tidak mampu bergerak sendiri, tidak bisa bicara, singkatnya... tidak bisa beraktivitas sendiri. Bicaranya hanya menggumam dan tidak jelas sama sekali.

Saya cuma berpikir, kok segini gampangnya yah saya mengeluh dah menyerah. Dibandingkan mereka, saya masih jauh lebih sehat. Setelah beberapa hari di RS, saya mengamati mereka dan keluarga mereka. Ya benar... Sehat itu mahal. Bersyukurlah kalau kamu jarang atau tidak pernah ke dokter karena selalu sehat. Tapi yang pasti, sayangilah diri sendiri, dengan menjaga kesehatan badan dan rohani. Semoga kita semua disembuhkan. Amin.

I am 31 y.o.

This is my first birthday with my wife. I precious every moment with her. So many things I have done over the last three decades. Now, I'm entering my fourth decade. 

I thank God for everything He has provided to me: this colorful life, lovely wife, tremendous family, wonderful friends, great jobs, etc. I am grateful for every single day He gives. Also a big thank you to my family and relatives who came for the dinner and celebrate together.

I know that I still have plenty to achieve in the future. I just hope God allows me to get them all, and of course according to His will. I also hope that this unfriendly sickness that happen to me so far will be gone soon. This has been disturbing me for two years. I know that I will survive and recover very soon. I just need to be patient. Fortunately, I have a wife who never stop encouraging me to survive and keep going.

Thanks for everything, God.
I can't ask for more.

Hurt

Last week was a quite tiring week. Somehow, I was quite tired through the weekend. So, long story short, on Saturday afternoon, my wife asked me to take her to buy Sate Padang near my house. It is actually not far from my house, it only takes 10 minutes to get there. I was just awaked from my day nap, and I don’t know somehow I’m very tired and finally I not-whole-heartedly took my wife to get there. A little conversation happened on how I was hardly willing to take her to get there.  And the worst thing was I said it harshly.

Then, I could see a very sad and disappointed face of her. At that moment, I knew that I have just done something stupid. I hurt her. Finally, she cried. I could not think of anything else but told her my apology.  

So, that was a small thing that triggered the dispute. I knew I was not supposed to do or act like that to her. I deeply deeply apologize.

This reminds me of many bad things that I had done to my family years ago. This will not be easy to forget, but I hope I am forgiven. I hope they forgive me. My family… and my wife for sure… I am sorry…

I'm Afraid to Lose (Her)

Last week, I saw my former colleague's facebook. He wrote a song for his wife on Valentine's Day, he said that he misses her. And few days after, he wrote a poetry on their 11th anniversary.

And then, I go through the comments section and many commented and wished for her wife's healing. I wondered what is really going on. And when I found out what happened, it really shocked me. Her wife suffers a meningitis and until now she has been in the hospital for weeks. I am sad to hear that and I pray for the best for them. I wish she will be recovered soon, and I hope he and all family can be strong and never lose hopes.

This makes me think of my wife, and causes this feeling gets much deeper on her. After going through some precious moments in the past few years with her, I am really afraid to lose her at this point.

Yesterday, when I was driving to office, my wife was slept. And suddenly she got up and cried. I was very surprised. Later on she told me that she had a bad dream and described to me that she felt sleeping beside me in the car, but she could not get up and when she called at me, I did not listen.

This morning, I helped her to do her job and it came to a moment that she cried. She got overwhelmed. She felt in a huge pressure.

God, allow me to help her, equip me to calm her down. I don't want any bad things happen to her. Please, lead us away from the bad. Let this fire of love will remain flaming for the rest of our life.


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