Our Daughter - Emily

This Christmas is so special. My wife and I were granted with a lovely baby girl. Such a wonderful Christmas gift we got from God.

We just couldn't be happier than this. We're tired, exhausted, sleepless, confused, worried, etc but we are very happy... very very happy. We just can't describe the feelings.

She was born in a perfect condition. Her first cry was like an angel singing. Her smell was the best aromatherapy we have ever had. She is pretty, cute, and so adorable . We are so falling in love with her, we can't stop thanking Him for such blessings.

My wife, I want to thank you a lot for giving me Em to our lives. I believe you will be a great mother. Was very hard to see you when you felt down because the breastfeeding didn't go well. Don't you think I didn't feel it. My heart cried to see you like that. Thank God you could overcome it. Please embrace yourself that you are the best for Emily. And I will be there to support you always.

Em, now it has been three weeks. Teach us how to be a good parents for you for we know we might not always be the best teacher for you. We'll try our best, sweetie.

Welcome to the world, Em...

Love,
Mom & Dad

Penantian

Desember 2014, kami menelan pil pahit. Benih dalam kandungan istriku gagal berkembang di usia tujuh minggu. Hal itu jadi pengalaman sedih yang sulit digambarkan.

Setelah mencoba dan mencoba, akhirnya berkah Paskah kemarin mengijinkan kami menerima berkah ini sekali lagi.

Malam ini, saat ini, kami sedang menantikan kelahiran anak kami esok hari. Perasaan ini sulit digambarkan. Senang, bingung, tidak sabar, dll rasanya.

Semoga Tuhan mengijinkan kami menikmati bahagia ini. Semoga Tuhan menuntun kami dan memperlancar prosesnya esok pagi.

Anakku, kami tidak sabar menunggu esok pagi. Sampai bertemu di dunia.

Happy Easter & Happy Birthday

Maybe a little too late for this, but it's okay.

This year is a good year for me especially. Easter came right on my birthday. I understand that I did not do fasting or abstinence properly, but somehow I feel God is merciful and so good to me and my family.

 

Early morning, on my birthday, my wife woke me up to show me the test-pack result, and it was positive. I was speechless, I was happy, I couldn't sleep anymore. And so we saw the obgyn few days later to confirm on this, and it was confirmed positive.

 

Thanks a million to God for this birthday gift. I could not ask for more.

I just wish that this time could work for us. We are so happy and look forward to our next step of parenting process. And now, we only pray for the best for the baby so that he/she can grow well and healthy.

 

Doc said, "this is graceful easter." Oh yes it is, doc. Graceful easter and birthday to me.

 

Happy Easter to all of us and Happy Birthday to me.

Semoga Tuhan Mendengar

Selesai masa pengobatanku, semua berjalan baik-baik saja, hingga beberapa minggu lalu kami juga tidak mengerti apa yang sebenarnya sudah terjadi. Keinginan dan harapan kami memiliki keturunan sedikit menipis. Entah apa yang sebenarnya salah padahal semua sudah dilakukan. Aku sungguh tidak tahu apa yang kurang.

 

Dalam kebingungan ini, aku berharap dia tidak bersedih. Jujur saja hati ini miris melihat dia yang setiap saat penuh harap akan hadirnya seorang anak di rumah. Waktu terus berjalan, seandainya saja umur kami berkebalikan, aku tidak akan sebegini menderita memikirkan kegundahan hatinya.

 

Aku tahu Tuhan mendengar dan tidak tidur, namun jika memang Ia berkenan, aku bersimpuh memohon dengan sangat agar dibukakan jalan terbaik bagi kami untuk memiliki keturunan dari rahim istriku sendiri secara normal. Ironis memang, ketika kami bahagia melihat keluarga kami, sahabat kami, yang dengan gembira mengumumkan kehamilan mereka, namun lebih jauh lagi di dalam hati kami, kami merasa sedih karena kami belum diberikan ijin oleh Dia.

 

Sering aku terbangun di tengah malam, lalu ku pandang wajahnya dan tersenyum melihatnya. Aku amat sangat ingin membahagiakan dia. Malahan aku sangat berharap suatu waktu nanti dia tidak perlu lelah bekerja lagi, dan memusatkan segala waktunya hanya untuk anak-anak kami. Tapi seketika itu juga aku tidak bisa menahan air mataku karena aku tidak tahu kapan itu akan terjadi. Entah sebentar lagi, masih beberapa tahun lagi, atau malah tidak pernah. Sungguh aku tidak bisa membayangkan bila memang ini tidak akan pernah terjadi.

 

Keyakinanku tidak pernah hilang. Aku masih tetap percaya Tuhan mendengarkan kami. Hanya saja, bila memang belum waktunya bagi kami untuk memiliki keturunan, kiranya Kau berikan kami modal yang baik untuk mempersiapkan semuanya, kesehatan, kesabaran, keteguhan iman dan hati, rasa saling mencintai dan saling percaya bahwa di atas segalanya, Tuhan-lah yang utama.

 

Aku juga berdoa, semoga dia mengerti. Dan tentunya mempererat hubungan kami sebagai suami istri yang tetap berpegang kepada iman kami.

 

Ah... mataku pun berkaca-kaca haru dan penuh harap saat ini...

Sebenernya Aku........

Hun...

Sebenernya aku kasian
Ngeliat kamu dengan banyak masalah di kantor sama bosmu yang begitu. Belom lagi dengerin kamu rempong entah sama urusan keluarga kita lah, ini lah itu lah..

Sebenernya aku empati
Ngebayangin kamu kepingin banget pindah kerja ke perusahaan lain. Walaupun kalau lihat fakta bahwa kantornya ga jauh dari rumah dan sudah lumayan. Tapi aku ngerti kok... dan support apapun keputusannya nanti.

Sebenernya aku jengkel
Kalo hal-hal yg di atas tadi akhirnya sedikit banyak mempengaruhi kita berdua. Kita dulu commit kalau di rumah seminimal mungkin ngomongin kerjaan.

Sebenernya aku kesel banget
Karena kalau uda distracted sama kerjaan, semua behavior pasti kebawa-bawa sampe ke rumah. Yah behavior yang pushy lah, yang bentar-bentar nanya update ini itu lah, dan kalo belom dilakuin malah agak maksa untuk dilakuin. Aku dejavu...kamu kayak mantan-mantan bosku. Ini kalo kamu baca, mudah-mudahan inget ini kapan kejadiannya sampe aku nulis begini. Karna aku ga mao kita berantem kayak anak kecil gara-gara beginian. Kita punya rencana dan tujuan yang jauh lebih penting dari sekedar talking about small things yang akhirnya ngerusak semua mood yang coba dibangun dengan baik. Aku rasa hal-hal ga penting seperti itu bisa nunggu kok untuk dibicarakan.

Sebenernya aku gatau
Aku ga tau gimana bilangnya sama kamu tanpa bikin kamu jadi sedih atau malah marah dan ga terima. Aku rasa kita harus sedikit nekan ego, lebih relax dan let go. Tinggalkan sifat bossy dari kantor. Apalagi setelah seminggu kita penuh pressure.

Sebenernya aku gamao ngepost begini
Tapi aku gatau gimana caranya.

Yang pasti...
sebenernya aku mao kamu tau kalo
sebenernya aku care banget
sebenernya aku gamao kamu stress
sebenernya aku sayang banget sama kamu

Makanya kita perlu latih ego kita lebih baik ya.. mari berdoa lebih kuat supaya keinginan kita terwujud. Jangan kuatir, aku ga pernah berhenti berharap dan berdoa untuk memiliki usaha sendiri supaya kita bisa lebih fokus dengan keluarga.

May God bless you hun... and us..
Love you always.

Unconditional Love

Just now, I read a shared status of a man in a social media page. Currently, his wife was diagnosed of stadium four tongue cancer and they will need lots of money for the treatment and cure. He somehow does not ask for a common donation. He offers his body organs to everybody who would like to buy for any purpose. Until this post, his status is still going viral in the social media. I hope somebody will catch his offer and donate for him for free.

 

I got a really priceless lesson from this. This man somehow loves his woman unconditionally. It is maybe easy if a couple say each other that "I love you unconditionally." Until that "condition" came to their life, then this will be the real test of their so-called "unconditional love."

 

In this case, the man really really show us what "unconditional love" is. That's what makes this very meaningful to me as a man, as a husband.

 

God, I really hope I can reach that level, although I also hope that I can reach that level without such "condition" happen to any of us. Please help us to grow our love each and every day to reach that level of "unconditional love." Strengthen our relationship with trust and respect. Gentle our heart with passion.

 

Love you, hun... unconditionally...

Uncomfort.... Annoying....

Well... it is not always smooth and perfect, is it? I learned that it is very important for a couple to really understand each other very well.

 

Lately, she often annoys me with her attitude . When she wants something, she has to have it or get it. Her ego is somehow killing me.

 

Few days ago, we debated on notary stuffs. The thing is, we are needing a notary service badly. At first we had difficulty in contacting our notary partner, but we had been informed that this would be followed up after the holiday. However, she insisted on asking it over and over again. Asking for another option and being so impatient and again.

 

Yesterday, we debated on something small and silly. So, we are repairing our bathroom in our house. The thing debated was about how to provide the handymen lunch. She asked me to ask our contractor partner on how many handymen will be employed, then we would provide lunch according to it. I explained that this was a contractor stuffs, number of handymen could be vary based on what job was being executed. So, I told her we could just ask my brother-in-law to come over and ask, and buy their meals according to it. And the warteg is not far, afterall. But, she insisted and pushed me to ask the contractor on how many of them. I am very sure that today or tomorrow the number of handymen will be different. If it is less than two persons, then there will be a excess. Otherwise, there will be shortage, and my brother-in-law will need to come back and buy again.

 

The thing is, I really didn't understand what she stood for by being so annoying like that. She somehow becomes very pushy and egoistic. I don't want to assume but I think she becomes like the bosses. She told me that her boss is very pushy and demanding. This reminds me of my former bosses, too. I think those things plus the pressure in her office shaped her attitude.

 

If you read this, Hun, I don't want to mad at you on something silly like this. Maybe, if I counter you back on these above stuffs, we might have "a big fight upon a small thing", and it's not worth it, and I don't want it to happen to us. Our love and marriage are much more important than this.

 

There is something we need to work on... our attitude. It is very important for us to separate office stuffs and family stuffs. I, myself, has tried very best to keep the line straight and clear. When I am home, I will try not to bring office stuffs home, and moreover my attitude at office.

 

It is hard, you know, to hold this bad feeling. I think somehow we need to let go, get a loose, don't over think, don't over react, don't make things complicated, and don't enforce too much on something. Sometimes if we look around, couple or family that don't have many things, in fact, have a lot to be grateful. They don't over think, they just let it go, and let if flow.

 

My wife, I love you so much that I don't want to bring this up into a conversation due to your hectic and busy moment recently. But, if you ever read this, please remember that we have been through so many things... happiness, sadness, fun, anger, and sooo many moments. I am sure we can get through this.

 

Sorry if this hurts you, but above all of these, I love you as always... And hoping this will make our relationship even much stronger and hotter than ever. Hehehehe....