I Love Her Even More

Today, I take my wife to hospital for curette procedure. In the latest few days we have been encouraged by the story that this phase is not a dangerous one. So, we proceed it today and I still can remember clearly how my wife held on the pain for the cure she had. And after the cure, she cried, and she told me that she was afraid. Oh my God, I can't stand to see her cry like that. That was even more painful to me.

Now, as I am writing this post, she is proceeding the curette procedure in the surgery room. I can't come in and look. I will just stay outside now and share this feeling in this post. And of course, I am praying.

God, due to all of these overwhelming incidents and situations, I am begging for the success of the procedure. I am kneeling down and begging for your generous love to give a one hundred percent recovery to my wife. Please let alone my private concern, and let my wife becomes priority now. I love her, and even more after all of these things. There's no more I can do now... I pray for the best to my wife now, and wait for another couple hours for her to comeback from the procedure.

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Sekali Lagi

Sekitar tiga minggu lalu kami sangat bergembira karena ternyata istriku positif hamil anak pertama kami. Keluarga dekat kami sangat senang dengan kabar ini. Begitu juga dengan kami berdua. Banyak hal yang sudah kami pikirkan dan rencanakan untuk kelahiran anak kami. Walaupun ternyata memang masih ada resiko dari kista dan virus tokso dan rubella yang ada pada istriku.

Namun semua berubah mendadak pada hari Sabtu kemarin. Sepulang dari dinas selama seminggu di Sumatera, aku langsung menemani istriku untuk melakukan pemeriksaan rutin terhadap kandungan istriku. Dan sungguh sangat mengejutkan karena setelah diperiksa dengan seksama oleh dokter kandungan, ternyata janin yang tumbuh tidak terdapat detak jantung, sehingga dokter menyarankan untuk dikuret. Seketika jantung ini rasanya berhenti, dada rasanya sesak dan kami tidak bisa berkata apa-apa. Istriku menangis dan terus meratap.

Sepulang dari dokter kandungan yang pertama, kami berdua berjalan menuju parkiran dan di situ saya sangat sangat sedih sekali mendengar istriku meratap; "salahnya apa... salahnya di mana??"

Ya Tuhan... Sungguh saat itu benar-benar saat tersedih yang pernah kurasakan dari istriku. Aku gak tau harus berbuat apa, karena aku juga larut dalam sedihnya.

Kemudian kami menemui dokter lain hanya untuk mencari pendapat lainnya. Dan ternyata diagnosanya sama. Kami hanya pasrah. Hancur rasanya.

Sekali lagi, kami diberi cobaan.
Sungguh kami gak bisa apa-apa. Ini kehendak-Nya. Kami hanya mohon dikuatkan dan diyakinkan bahwa ini belum waktunya. Kami mohon supaya kami tetap sadar, teguh, dan kuat menghadapi guncangan ini. Sungguh ini sangat berat untuk kami.

Saat ini, aku gak minta apa-apa ya Tuhan. Namun, aku tetap berharap jalan yang terbaik dari-Mu. Bila memang Kau ijinkan, biarlah mujizat terjadi, tapi aku tidak menuntut, ya Allah.

Sekali lagi, kumohon teguhkan iman kami dan janji setia kami atas pernikahan kami. Di dalam masa-masa ini, kami berharap malaikat-Mu yang selalu mendampingi kami, penyertaan-Mu dan Bunda Maria yang kami sangat hormati.

Mohon maaf kalau kami kurang yakin dan seringkali menyakiti hati Tuhan, Yesus, dan Bunda Maria.

Sekali lagi, kami serahkan segala hidup kami, rencana dan karya kami, sedih dan senang kami. Kuatkan kami ya Tuhan.

#clueless

Now I'm clueless. After knowing that my wife is pregnant. And then she got cyst. And this morning after the blood check up result, she is positively got Torch.

Oh my God... I don't know what to say now. I don't know what to do now. Those things strikes me brutally in the last few days. I feel very very bad to my wife. Why does she have to bear the burden this much. We were just in a beginning of our happy journey as a couple. And even before becoming parents, we face this obstacle.

In this time, I only hope that God will still be there right beside us. Whatever happen, please hold us tight. Don't let us away from You. I also hope my wife can get through this with me. I promise I'll be right beside her anytime she needs me to. God, I do hope that miracle happens. And I do believe that will do.

She

Almost two months since my wedding day with her. I can't stop thanking God for what have happened to me, and to us as husband and wife.

Yesterday morning I took her to see obgyn to check if she is pregnant or not. And I'm so happy knowing that she is.

However, I was very shocked at the same time. When observing via USG, doctor found a cyst in her. Suddenly, I got faint and speechless. I don't know what to say. Many things came across my head, most are bad things. I just felt that I love her, I don't want to lose her. And moreover, I don't want to lose my child. Sounds greedy, but at this time, I don't have option.

God, please help us to go through this. We are afraid, but thank You for keeping us closer with You. Thank You for always reminding us to always pray and surrender to You.

I just don't want anything bad happen to her. She is cheerful, and no doubt, she changes my whole life. She is the reason I laugh. I don't want this to be her burden alone. God, let me carry this too. Please lead us the way to find the solution.
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happy birthday, dear

Oh... I almost forgot to put her birthday photos here. 

Happy birthday once again, Sweetie.

God bless you always and trust that He will make your dreams come true.

Love,

Steven

Dia Menyempurnakan Saya

"Mbul mbul... Nong mau nanya sesuatu, tp mbul harus jawab dengan seeeeeeejujur jujurnyaaaaaaaa."

"Kalau sampe prewed dan hari H, berat nong ga turun2, foto jadi elek, trus pas hari H lemak nong dimana2, mbul marah ga ama nong krn gagal diet? :( "

Reaksi saya cuma "hahahahahhaahaha." Kehadirannya membawa keceriaan bukan cuman untuk saya, tapi untuk semua orang di sekitarnya, termasuk untuk keluarga saya.

Setiap saya merasa bosan, saya cukup melihat foto-foto masa kecilnya. Itu sudah cukup buat hati saya senang. Coba aja lihat ini....

Dulunya, saya tergolong orang yg gak sabar, temperamen, suka merasa iri dan kurang bersyukur. Tapi lama kelamaan, sifatnya yang apa adanya, tidak neko-neko, selalu melibatkan Tuhan dalam setiap permasalahan, membuka mata dan hati saya. Saya jadi lebih banyak bersyukur atas keadaan saya sekarang ini.

Apapun itu, dia mengubah saya menjadi lebih baik. Ya... dia menyempurnakan saya.

THIRTY

So now I'm entering my 30's. Time flies... I have gone through many things over the last three decades. I had happiness, sorrow, grateful, disappointment, broken heart, loss, achievement, success, failure, etc.

Early morning, my girlfriend arranged a surprise involving my brother and his girlfriend. Never had a surprise thus far, I was surprised and happy.

And so I attended a seminar at Kuningan. I think this year is my luckiest birthday. At the end of seminar, there was a lucky draw for three winners. My name was not there. However, there was one of them had left already. So, the MC took another one for substitution. And yes... that was my name. So lucky...

After lunch, I went back to office and got another surprise from the team. Well... thanks guys..

I am lucky there are still so many people love me. 

When I got back home last week, my mom and dad give me a present too. Also with my brother, sister, and their spouses. They gave me a nice small bag and water bottle hahahaha....

Last Friday, my girlfriend and I were celebrating my birthday in a birthday dinner. And she kept me surprised by giving me another birthday gift. She gave me a cool watch.

Thanks God. I received so many this year. It is not about what I get, but this becomes my obligation to give even more. 

I pray for my family, my girlfriend, colleagues, and everyone I love.

Happy birthday to me...

Communication

Last night was a tough one for us to face our next journey in life. Probably, the toughest one so far. We had a tough conversation related to our appointment yesterday. Once again, it involved my brother.
 
Briefly, I had to meet my girlfriend for a dinner last night. But, my brother didn't come home at time after he finished playing soccer. As a result, we just left home from Tangerang late at seven o'clock and arrived at Jakarta at 8.15PM.
 
I was very surprised after I met my girlfriend last night and she felt very upset and was mad at me. The point is: I broke promises.
 
Well, I know I was wrong for the delay, but that was with condition. And I also understood of my girlfriend's worry for our future life and relationship. This has to be cleared between us, and among our whole family.
 
Despite of awkward, miss-communication, etc…. I found that my girlfriend missed me so much for she said that she needed to spend some time with me, even just to have a dinner. I also believe this can be our learning process to face our real life after the marriage. I know this is not easy, and I hope she feels the same as I do. I am also grateful for this had happened to us before our marriage, so that we will be much more ready when we are married.

2013 Kaleidoscope

Flash back to what had happened in 2013, below are several things to describe how colorful 2013 is:

NEW JOB

As of May 1, 2013, I started my new journey at ….. I hope I can contribute many to the company.

FAMILY  IN PADANG

In the late of August, my girlfriend and I went to Padang to visit her family there. This was also as my responsibility as a man to introduce myself to her family. Overall, I enjoyed the trip; the family was very nice and welcoming, foods are superb.

N.E.R.D

Non Erosive Reflux Disease, this has been successfully making me suffered from a bad stomachache and terrible upper-abdomen symptoms from April 2013. I was very scared if this could be a heart condition or not. Having checked my medical condition to Penang, I found that this was not a heart condition, but totally a stomach problem.

Although sometimes I can still feel discomfort in my upper abdomen and chest, but things are getting better now. In the end of January 2014, I will have to do the control to Penang again to determine what will be the next cure.

Thank God, that this was not as bad as I thought. However, I still have to control my meal and life style. Thanks to my family and my girlfriend as well for they were always there to support and take care of me when I was run to a hospital, etc. Especially to my girlfriend, thank to accompany me in Penang to run several tests for medical checkup.

FIRST YEAR

October 27, 2013 remarked my first year relationship with my girlfriend. I'm so happy so I cannot say anything about this. I can only hope this lasts forever.

CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR

Christmas is always special. Had a Christmas' Eve Mass with my lovely girlfriend at St Theresia, and also had a dinner with the Bebs at Potato Head Garage. Livia's mom visited us along the Christmas holiday in Jakarta. Had a year-end dinner with my ex colleagues at Goods Diner. Finally, closed the year 2013 with family at Grand Tropic Hotel, had family casual dinner, watched fireworks in some of western part of Jakarta.

IN A SUMMARY

2013 was a very struggling year to my health condition. Lots of money and time spent to overcome the situation. However, I found that my family situation are getting better and better. Dad is in a more-friendly type of father now. Mom gets happier and last month she just had a holiday in Singapore. There were still frictions, but they were still normal.

Rio and Lia have good early stage of career. I'm very sure that they can be successful persons. I also hope their relationship with their boy/girl friend will go to the next step in the future.

I think my relationship with my girlfriend is getting deeper and we are ready to step further.

2014

This will be a big year for me as a person. I'll be thirty years old and I'll marry my girlfriend in October 11, 2014. I wish and pray that everything will run smoothly, and the most importantly is our marriage-life after the wedding.

I pray for everyone's health and happiness. Hopefully, we will have better career ahead, will have more quality time to our beloved ones, will be wiser and more mature, and above all, we will get closer to God.