Life is (so) short

Mmhhh.. hari ini gue berangkat lumayan pagi.
Abis anterin adik gue ke kampus, trus g lanjutin perjalanan ke kantor lewat Tomang-Slipi, etc. Sampe di lampu merah Palmerah gue agak bingung, "enak lewat pejompongan ato sudirman, ya??" Akhirnya, g putusin lewat Sudirman, secara gue lagi pingin ngetes motor gue yg baru aja diservis setelah 5-6 bulan. Sepanjang jalan GatSu gue coba hajar si Vega (motor gue). Emang kendaraan klo abis diservis enak banget ya. Gue narik 100 aja naiknya cepet banget. Saking serunya, gue coba lagi di jalan Sudirman dari sejak BenHil sampe SetiaBudi. Tapi, pas udah mo nyampe Dukuh Atas, tepatnya di depan Auto2000, gak seperti biasanya macet banget, mana masih pagi pula. G sih yakin pasti ada kecelakaan. Dan bener aja, setelah gue bisa ngelewatin macetnya, gue ngeliat sesosok tubuh dari seorang Bapak, pake baju safari abu2, tergeletak di jalan dengan darah segar mengalir dari kepalanya. Sontak gue langsung bergidik, kepala terasa panas, dan langsung memelankan laju si Vega. Bapak itu terlihat sekitar umur 45-50. Yang terpikir setelah itu, gimana keluarganya kalo ngedenger hal ini ya?? Gue gak kebayang shock dan histeris anak istrinya. Memang hidup ini pendek banget. Gak kerasa, waktu cepet berlalu dan garis hidup manusia gak bisa diprediksi. Kayak kemalingan aja, tiba2 semuanya hilang. So... Ati2lah... Life is (so) short, too short to do something useless.

Cukup Melegakan (setidaknya untuk beberapa saat)

Sejak sebulan lalu, gue tidur gak tenang. Banyak pikiran banget. Kerjaan lagi... kerjaan lagi...
Semuanya ini berawal dari masalah yg timbul sama project regular gue. Terancam tidak di-renew karna satu dan lain hal. Kalo ini gagal berarti secara gak langsung berimbas ke gue...

Pagi ini...
Gue sampe kantor jam 6.50. Masih pagi lah... beli ketupat sayur. Makan di pantry, sambil "ditemani" lappie-ku yg "setia" dalam suka dan duka dalam setahun terakhir ini.
Karna kemarin tak sempat buka laptop lagi, langsung lah muncul email dari "big" boss dengan subject yg bikin g deg2an. Biasanya klo subject nya gini nih, kalo ada query dari client. Pas gue liat (pelan-pelan), eh dia kasih tau kalo ternyata project gue di-renewed. Huufff...... spontan ati gue langsung... PLONG... Ternyata mrk msh mau juga pake kita. Memang terdengar aneh, kayak uang logam. Di satu sisi, lo merasa lega atas apa yg terjadi pada lo. Tapi di satu sisi lain, pasti terpikir mulai bosan untuk menjalaninya lagi. But anyway.... g gak mao bersikap negatif seperti itu lah. G cuma berharap semua yg g lakuin setimpal. Benih yang kutabur adalah buah yg kutuai...

2.00pm at cozy uncle JC's house...
Presentasi yang cukup lama (2 hours). walaupun cuma menunjukkan bbrp hal penting saja. Tapi dengan hasil yg cukup fair and thanks for your understanding, Mr. CR. This wasn't easy though, but we tried our best.

Setidaknya untuk bbrp hari ke depan gue bisa tidur sedikit tenang.
...

、マスターありがとう [Arigatou Gozaimasu, SenZei]

Last night, I got a very priceless lesson from a "master". That was very inspiring.
I used to feel very confuse and doubtful to take this step. Many things have been striking me in my thought lately and once again they became a barrier of decission.

But not last night. SenZei taught me many things. We brain-stormed and tried to open my mind widely. I shared all things that had happened to me in my life. We were also talking about principle, idealism, and character. And I realized that I need to slowly change and soften my idealism. Yeah... I know I was quite stubborn and try to keep my idealism. But eventually, I have to look around and take a bow. Not only use thought, but also use feeling to speak to your heart. Surely, I have to change. I used to close every little thing that I have, or am facing now. I didn't want to look fragile. I felt that I can keep it all for myself only and no one needs to know. But, it gets hard to keep it all. Just like a time-bomb, counting down to zero, and BANG....

And about "the other thing" that we talked last night, I think I'll keep it for us both. But, I will surely accomplish my mission. I am about waiting for the time. That's a promise, dude. I WON'T LIE TO MYSELF, and am ready to lose everything. It is just like a story of a "warkop-mini who is trying to fight with Starbucks, Coffee Bean, and friends." This warkop-mini has a 'hugo' dream to beat them all. Hhhmmm... Good luck little fella...

Mujizat itu nyata

Tak terbatas kuasa-Mu, Tuhan
Semua dapat Kau lakukan
Apa yang kelihatan mustahil bagiku
Itu sangat mungkin bagi-Mu

Di saat ku tak berdaya
Kuasa-Mu yang sempurna
Ketika ku percaya, mujizat itu nyata
Bukan kar'na kekuatan
Namun roh-Mu, ya, Tuhan
Ketika ku berdoa, mujizat itu nyata

========================================

Mmmhh....
Sounds weird... but... eventually, wishes come true. Although not all of 'em, but thank God for all. Now I get it, it takes time, not an instant result. I know that I shud b more patient. Needs determination and struggle though... and of course... pray...

Lebaran Holiday

Cangke lagi.... cangke lagi...
Liburan kok malah susah ya...?!?!?!
Yah... sempet2in lah akhirnya cangke sama anak2... sekalian ktemuan sama oom Eka (+Jon) yang baru aja balik dari Medan.
Yeah... Have fun... But... everyone knows I wasn't enjoying it. Dunno why or what, I just felt guilty and aarrgghhhhhh....... Lumayan bete sih sejujurnya. In addition, g lagi chiong banget hari ini. Dan semuanya kejadian tiap kali gue order makanan yang akhirnya tak kunjung datang.
Yah.. mo dibilang apa.

Anyway... The puzzles are getting solved. Seems like"someone" hit the decoy and mmmhhh.... just waiting for the story to come up. Haha... tricky shot, dude....
Okay.... Mayday... Mayday... Back to work....

*stevie log off...... *beep*

Questions, Puzzles, Riddles, or what... You mention!!

It has been 2 days passed, the last time we met together and had a great time in Juned's house. Was it really a "great" time? Mmmhh.. Not at all i think. It was just a day where every questions came up to my head and I surely could not understand what is happening here. That question (once again) appeared in my head, and is still haunting me everyday, moreover, when all was black-out.

Wow... damn... what a situation. On one side I need a moment, or anything to convince myself of what I've been planning so far. But in fact, I got another obstacle. I didn't get any convincing thing that night. However, I think what I have been questioning so far have come up piece by piece. That's why I'm collecting the puzzles now and try to arrange them.

At this time, I can't trust anyone right now, even the source. I just can't trust like that. So, let see, and time will answer. Sooner or later, this will be revealed. And when I see with my own eyes and hear with my own ears, I will believe.

And what if the puzzles are already solved? Should I change my mind, step aside and cross the street to find other direction? Or maybe I'd choose to stay, and try to fix all these "incorrect" things? Or... (sorry) cure the disease? Maybe the last one is too rude. But, well... let see what will happen next. At least, I won't lie to myself. And that's a promise.

Domba itu ternyata kambing

Wah.. benar-benar tak dinyana
Bahkan gembalanya terkecoh
Ini benar-benar hebat
Domba itu ternyata kambing

Lucunya gumpalan-gumpalan bak awan
polosnya wajah rumpun ternak itu
oh.. ternyata hanya baju
tak kukira dia kambing... sulit tuk kupercaya

memang kambing tidak jelek
tapi kepalsuan adalah cacat
dan cacat itu sulit lenyap
hanya niat adalah tabib hebat

Kering sungai ini
tiada riak apalagi arus
biar kutunggu hujan untuk memenuhinya
baru kutahu akan kemana dia mengalir

Hanya saja.. sampai kapan ini bertahan
semuanya serba semu
tapi aku tidak ingin lagi berbohong pada hatiku
apa pun itu, pasti ada jawabnya
semua ada jawabnya... harus kuyakini...

September is Invicible?? Not really....

Tau gak apa yang mao gue lakuin sekarang??
TERIAK....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow.. for once in my career-life, i feel very EXHAUSTED. Kayaknya dah pingin larriiiiii.... yang jauh. Pingin ngilang dan gak mao ketemu siapa2. Bahkan muak banget sama apa yg gue kerjain. Emang bener kata Erwin: "You'll get the storm in March and Oct." Dan itu dah terbukti bener selama g kerja di sini. Issues in this project, troubles in another one, queries, etc. WOW.... damn.

Muncullah pula sebersit keinginan untuk mencoba hal baru di luar sana. Hanya saja banyak sekali perhitungan untuk mengarah ke sana. So, let see lah...

But, thanks to a wise friend. "The shortest distance between problem and solution is between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything." It helps, dude... helps a lot. At least it can heal me. All i need right now is encouragement, cos I need to move on. Thanks....