Sunday, October 24, 2010

Spent a lil time

Last night, I had once when I was looking at her from far, she looked back at me and always smile. And it happened few times. I wasn't sure if I was too exagerating it.

This morning, though it was only couple hours, I am grateful I can spend a little time, only both of us. I admit that... I missed her. After that, we have to take care of our own business. And that's this week will go by, another expectation.

Few days ago, I dreamt about her again. I'm thinking of being honest to her once again. When?? Let's see...

Friday, October 22, 2010

Am I changing my mind?

Remember the single-lady I told before? The one that still single after 24 years? The pretty one that seems having a special feeling to me? Oh I think she gets pretty each and every day. Today, she wears tight jeans, heels, tight chic-shirt, with a blue jacket. Oh man, she's glowing. I'm f*ckin sure if men will stare at her as I do. Too bad, I am still conservative with that one called religion. I'm not going to surrender my faith just to justify my passion and willing. Geez... I'd like to put her picture here, but cannot get a chance to take some.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Morning Glory (turning point)

Good morning...

Last night, I tried to do meditation. Not a long one, only 15 mins. I tried to re-collect all the memories, achievement, failure, happiness, sorrow, proud, etc. And I found myself always complaining and being in a lack of courage. Indeed, I-myself who responsible for this. I've put myself in the middle of jealousy, doubt, fear, and anxiety. And I realized it, and decided to change.

I know I have made mistake. But now, I put myself in a very different way. I promise, from this morning and on, I'll be more grateful and grateful. I trust all my life, my self, and everything I have to Him. This is a glorious morning for me. Just be grateful!!!

Good morning!!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

This has to be stopped

Sumpah... gue udah kayak orang gak niat kerja lagi deh.
Deadline numpuk, tapi gak ada deg2an-nya lagi.
Gue masih sempet2nya buka facebook, twitter-an, baca berita, dll.
Masih sempet nge-blog.... *lol
Tiap buka file kerjaan, bawaannya langsung males, eneg.
Bingung deh mesti gimana lagi...

Monday, October 4, 2010

Passion vs Hope

My passion is dying, by my hope still alive...
I might be doubt sometimes, but I never stop believing...
That's true... F***in true.

Do you think that is still in my prayer?
EVERY NIGHT...

So, why do you always run and deny every time they ask you?
AM AFRAID TO LOSE...

Are you looking for other girl to substitute her presence in your life?
YES, BUT CANNOT EASILY FORGET. AND THE FACT: ALWAYS FAILED.

What do you expect?
HAPPY ENDING

Otherwise?
TEACH ME HOW TO FACE OTHERWISE.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

(Quite) Surprising Day

This morning, when I arrived at office at 6.30pm, still in a parking lot, I received an email from SG country manager. He made a personal announcement. Guess what?? Yes!! He decided to settle down and get married. And guess who's the bride?? Yes again... she was also colleague from SG office. They both were classmate during their MBA. Bride is philippino, and groom is indian. Unique pair, huh?! One thing I like, they put a poem in the invitation. It isn't presented in a very mellow way, but it's simple, cool and funny. Here is a quote I like:

So join us for the party,
It's going to be a bash!
Don't worry about bringing gifts,
Please just give us cash ;-)

Crazy ma... lol... so creative... and it is a rhyme. So cool!!

Surprise #2: my moslem friend, a lady, she wears off her 'jilbab'. After years been working at spire, this is the 1st time I saw her without jilbab. Just so different, many couldn't believe it's her, even we thought she was new staff or what.

Last one is: my colleague at spire will be leaving. She is the closest one. She's resigning due to an irrational thought of a boss. Maybe it (irrational) is too rude, but I don't have any word suits. The case is, actually, she asked for a leave for a very important family reason, but she promised (and committed) to deliver her report as well. Guess what?? My boss declined the proposal. So unthoughtful...

Hmm, yeah... things come and go, so does people. I knew this would happen someday, somehow. I never shocked, honestly. It's very usual, very human.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Half-happy

Hey bebsgaul...
How are you, guys? Been a long time we're not having time together to get mad and just have fun. Actually, we hang out sometimes. But only some of us most of the time. We can only have time together as a whole team for 8 times in a year, at the maximum. They are our birthdays. Hahaha... perhaps even less than that, because we sometimes join our birthday party, e.g. pipi and me, benny and yayah, etc. It's ok... We have our own business, I knew this would happen someday when we were very closed in the first year. So, I'm not surprised.

Yesterday, we hanged out, only me, joko, benny, pipi, and chichi. Just five of us. Leaving all the work-shits for a while and tried to have fun. Did we have? Or maybe the question more appropriate here is: did I have good time? Well, in some parts: yes. Mine are: Hello Stanger and Mulyono 94. But, most of the time, it's like a paradox. I still felt lonely being with them, I was flat though I laughed for a joke or something. It was just not the same. But I wonder what it was.

Seeing her after quite some time -- was a good feeling. Happy to meet her again, though it's different now. I am more relax and have no burden or something. Yes, I admit, she is still gorgeous in my eyes, as well as in my heart. But, it's not like it was. Please understand this.

I'm moving on... and rely everything on Him. Whatever it may take, I have my own purpose. Family's number one. Another two years, dude, then you can plan for your own future. Don't worry of anything. I believe God hears. I believe He has something BIG and GORGEOUS that I don't even think of. Please remind me to always smile and keep the spirit up. My friend says: God doesn't give what you expect, but He fulfills your needs...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

lebaran 2010

Hehe...
Males kayaknya kalau harus kerja nih. Libur kok banyak pending matters. Dan hari Senin juga nanti kayaknya bakal males luar biasa. Notabene, dua hari terakhir ini aktivitas perkantoran dan sekitarnya 90% lumpuh. Walaupun secara statistik presentasi ini belum terbukti, tapi feeling saya bilang segitu lah kira-kira. Yah apalagi penyebabnya... suasana lebaran memang selalu begini dari tahun ke tahun.

Selayaknya kota mati, itulah gambaran Jakarta. Tapi sejujurnya itu gak terlihat banget di tahun ini. Masih ada keramaian dan kepadatan lalu lintas di sana-sini, walau tidak separah hari normal. Tambah lagi, hujan ini lebat sekali, sedikit berkabut dan anginnya kencang. Langsung terbayang suasana vila di Lembang yang berbukit dan tenang, jauh dari keramaian, sambil ditemani secangkir coklat panas. Rindu masa-masa itu.

Alhasil gini deh... malah nge-blog, bukannya kerja. Pingin tidur tapi ga bisa ngantuk. Bosan abis. Sungguh suasana yang bener2 ga enak buat kerja. Semua serba slow dan turun kadar konsentrasinya.

Sementara itu, saya sempat kembali mengorek-ngorek beberapa memory silam. Membuka kenangan-kenangan masa SMA, kuliah, maupun saat kerja di 1-2 tahun pertama. Sungguh pemandangan yang menyenangkan melihat kejadian2 itu. Cuma memang yang namanya foto itu sebagian besar mengesankan yang bagus, menyenangkan, lucu, dan bisa nempel di hati dan pikiran. Saya terpikir sejenak, kenapa tidak ada foto waktu saya lagi sakit, atau tidak ada foto waktu saya dulu putus sama pacar, atau lagi dihajar tekanan deadline yang bertubi-tubi, atau waktu saya pernah membuat orang tua atau adik-adik saya sedih dan kecewa, atau saat saya berselisih dengan teman, atau saat cinta saya ditolak, dan lain sebagainya.

Sering memang orang bilang, yang baik disimpan, yang buruk dilupakan. Tapi kenapa saya mau menyimpan yang buruk juga. Bagi saya semua pengalaman buruk itu bener-bener pingin saya jadikan kenangan. Tapi tentunya untuk tujuan yang positif. Saya yakin saya bukan orang yang hebat dalam spontanitas, tapi saya mau berubah bila tindakan pertama saya salah. Makanya, saya mau menyimpan itu semua.

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Dan hari ini juga (sebetulnya sejak semalam sih), Spire kehilangan Bu Noni. Meninggal di usia 42 tahun. Gak nyangka ya. Tapi kalau memang itu yang terbaik, dibandingkan dia harus tersiksa oleh mesin-mesin yang menopang kinerja tubuh dan pernafasannya. Beruntung saya sempat jenguk beberapa jam sebelum dia pergi. Sungguh miris memang. Suami yang benar-benar tabah, seorang putra yang masih kelas 3 SMP. Dan keluarga-keluarga yang lainnya. Memang sepertinya benar lelucon kasar yang diceritakan orang itu mengenai RS Dharmais: "Datang naik kursi roda, pulang naik 'mobil' (baca: ambulans)". Yah, kasar memang, but that's almost 100% true. Semoga saya ataupun keluarga tidak pernah akan mengalami hal-hal buruk seperti itu. Itu semua jalan Tuhan, kita hanya bisa berdoa, berserah, dan berserah. Semoga arwah Ibu Noni diterima di sisi Tuhan. RIP.