Happy Birthday Hunny

I wish you a very happy birthday, my dear...  I am sorry for not being romantic, because it is hard to do ;)

Flowers die, but trust me that this love will not ever.

God bless you Hun....

She Fell (literally)

This morning, we had breakfast together at my wife’s office. After finishing, we were about to leave the canteen and go to our office. And then she went to the restroom for a moment while I was waiting at the couch.

After few minutes, I heard something or someone fell and hit the floor. When I saw it, it was my wife. I suddenly run to her and picked her up. She was slipped and got ankle injury. Yes, basically it was just an ordinary little accident.

At the moment, I am just thinking at her when she fell. I feel sorry and pity to see her fell and hit the floor like that. I am thinking, what if I wasn’t there.  Geez… I can’t believe I wrote something like this. But truly, this means something to me. I will try as much as possible to be at her side most of the time. I hope that I could be there whenever she falls down... literally or not.

Sehat itu Mahal, dan Sangat Berharga

Dari kemarin, saya rawat inap di RS PIK untuk penanganan gangguan lambung yang sudah mengganggu sejak dua tahun terakhir. Kebetulan, saya dirawat di kamar kelas 2 yang terdiri dari 4 pasien.

Katakanlah pasien A, beliau sepertinya habis operasi saraf or something. Umurnya sekitar 60an. Saya ga terlalu engeh karena mereka sepertinya berbahasa hokian.

Di seberang saya ini kayanya umurnya sekitar 40 tahun. Baru masuk berbarengan dengan saya kemarin. Singkatnya beliau ini dilarikan ke rumah sakit karena tiba-tiba pusing dan pandangan gelap. Ternyata beliau didiagnosa gejala stroke ringan, karena setelah di MRI ternyata ada beberapa titik sumbatan di pembuluh darah otak.

Yang satu lagi, sepertinya sudah di usia 60-70 tahun. Beliau sudah 9 hari di sini ditemani oleh pengasuh/perawat pribadinya. Beliau ini ternyata menderita stroke. Jadi pada dasarnya beliau ini sudah tidak mampu bergerak sendiri, tidak bisa bicara, singkatnya... tidak bisa beraktivitas sendiri. Bicaranya hanya menggumam dan tidak jelas sama sekali.

Saya cuma berpikir, kok segini gampangnya yah saya mengeluh dah menyerah. Dibandingkan mereka, saya masih jauh lebih sehat. Setelah beberapa hari di RS, saya mengamati mereka dan keluarga mereka. Ya benar... Sehat itu mahal. Bersyukurlah kalau kamu jarang atau tidak pernah ke dokter karena selalu sehat. Tapi yang pasti, sayangilah diri sendiri, dengan menjaga kesehatan badan dan rohani. Semoga kita semua disembuhkan. Amin.

I am 31 y.o.

This is my first birthday with my wife. I precious every moment with her. So many things I have done over the last three decades. Now, I'm entering my fourth decade. 

I thank God for everything He has provided to me: this colorful life, lovely wife, tremendous family, wonderful friends, great jobs, etc. I am grateful for every single day He gives. Also a big thank you to my family and relatives who came for the dinner and celebrate together.

I know that I still have plenty to achieve in the future. I just hope God allows me to get them all, and of course according to His will. I also hope that this unfriendly sickness that happen to me so far will be gone soon. This has been disturbing me for two years. I know that I will survive and recover very soon. I just need to be patient. Fortunately, I have a wife who never stop encouraging me to survive and keep going.

Thanks for everything, God.
I can't ask for more.

Hurt

Last week was a quite tiring week. Somehow, I was quite tired through the weekend. So, long story short, on Saturday afternoon, my wife asked me to take her to buy Sate Padang near my house. It is actually not far from my house, it only takes 10 minutes to get there. I was just awaked from my day nap, and I don’t know somehow I’m very tired and finally I not-whole-heartedly took my wife to get there. A little conversation happened on how I was hardly willing to take her to get there.  And the worst thing was I said it harshly.

Then, I could see a very sad and disappointed face of her. At that moment, I knew that I have just done something stupid. I hurt her. Finally, she cried. I could not think of anything else but told her my apology.  

So, that was a small thing that triggered the dispute. I knew I was not supposed to do or act like that to her. I deeply deeply apologize.

This reminds me of many bad things that I had done to my family years ago. This will not be easy to forget, but I hope I am forgiven. I hope they forgive me. My family… and my wife for sure… I am sorry…

I'm Afraid to Lose (Her)

Last week, I saw my former colleague's facebook. He wrote a song for his wife on Valentine's Day, he said that he misses her. And few days after, he wrote a poetry on their 11th anniversary.

And then, I go through the comments section and many commented and wished for her wife's healing. I wondered what is really going on. And when I found out what happened, it really shocked me. Her wife suffers a meningitis and until now she has been in the hospital for weeks. I am sad to hear that and I pray for the best for them. I wish she will be recovered soon, and I hope he and all family can be strong and never lose hopes.

This makes me think of my wife, and causes this feeling gets much deeper on her. After going through some precious moments in the past few years with her, I am really afraid to lose her at this point.

Yesterday, when I was driving to office, my wife was slept. And suddenly she got up and cried. I was very surprised. Later on she told me that she had a bad dream and described to me that she felt sleeping beside me in the car, but she could not get up and when she called at me, I did not listen.

This morning, I helped her to do her job and it came to a moment that she cried. She got overwhelmed. She felt in a huge pressure.

God, allow me to help her, equip me to calm her down. I don't want any bad things happen to her. Please, lead us away from the bad. Let this fire of love will remain flaming for the rest of our life.


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I Love Her Even More

Today, I take my wife to hospital for curette procedure. In the latest few days we have been encouraged by the story that this phase is not a dangerous one. So, we proceed it today and I still can remember clearly how my wife held on the pain for the cure she had. And after the cure, she cried, and she told me that she was afraid. Oh my God, I can't stand to see her cry like that. That was even more painful to me.

Now, as I am writing this post, she is proceeding the curette procedure in the surgery room. I can't come in and look. I will just stay outside now and share this feeling in this post. And of course, I am praying.

God, due to all of these overwhelming incidents and situations, I am begging for the success of the procedure. I am kneeling down and begging for your generous love to give a one hundred percent recovery to my wife. Please let alone my private concern, and let my wife becomes priority now. I love her, and even more after all of these things. There's no more I can do now... I pray for the best to my wife now, and wait for another couple hours for her to comeback from the procedure.

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Sekali Lagi

Sekitar tiga minggu lalu kami sangat bergembira karena ternyata istriku positif hamil anak pertama kami. Keluarga dekat kami sangat senang dengan kabar ini. Begitu juga dengan kami berdua. Banyak hal yang sudah kami pikirkan dan rencanakan untuk kelahiran anak kami. Walaupun ternyata memang masih ada resiko dari kista dan virus tokso dan rubella yang ada pada istriku.

Namun semua berubah mendadak pada hari Sabtu kemarin. Sepulang dari dinas selama seminggu di Sumatera, aku langsung menemani istriku untuk melakukan pemeriksaan rutin terhadap kandungan istriku. Dan sungguh sangat mengejutkan karena setelah diperiksa dengan seksama oleh dokter kandungan, ternyata janin yang tumbuh tidak terdapat detak jantung, sehingga dokter menyarankan untuk dikuret. Seketika jantung ini rasanya berhenti, dada rasanya sesak dan kami tidak bisa berkata apa-apa. Istriku menangis dan terus meratap.

Sepulang dari dokter kandungan yang pertama, kami berdua berjalan menuju parkiran dan di situ saya sangat sangat sedih sekali mendengar istriku meratap; "salahnya apa... salahnya di mana??"

Ya Tuhan... Sungguh saat itu benar-benar saat tersedih yang pernah kurasakan dari istriku. Aku gak tau harus berbuat apa, karena aku juga larut dalam sedihnya.

Kemudian kami menemui dokter lain hanya untuk mencari pendapat lainnya. Dan ternyata diagnosanya sama. Kami hanya pasrah. Hancur rasanya.

Sekali lagi, kami diberi cobaan.
Sungguh kami gak bisa apa-apa. Ini kehendak-Nya. Kami hanya mohon dikuatkan dan diyakinkan bahwa ini belum waktunya. Kami mohon supaya kami tetap sadar, teguh, dan kuat menghadapi guncangan ini. Sungguh ini sangat berat untuk kami.

Saat ini, aku gak minta apa-apa ya Tuhan. Namun, aku tetap berharap jalan yang terbaik dari-Mu. Bila memang Kau ijinkan, biarlah mujizat terjadi, tapi aku tidak menuntut, ya Allah.

Sekali lagi, kumohon teguhkan iman kami dan janji setia kami atas pernikahan kami. Di dalam masa-masa ini, kami berharap malaikat-Mu yang selalu mendampingi kami, penyertaan-Mu dan Bunda Maria yang kami sangat hormati.

Mohon maaf kalau kami kurang yakin dan seringkali menyakiti hati Tuhan, Yesus, dan Bunda Maria.

Sekali lagi, kami serahkan segala hidup kami, rencana dan karya kami, sedih dan senang kami. Kuatkan kami ya Tuhan.